The age difference between a man and a woman sometimes becomes the reason for the end of the relationship. People can be overly dependent on outside opinion when the environment is negative about unequal marriages. Public opinion dictates that spouses should be the same age or that a man may be slightly older. Nevertheless, psychologists argue that age difference is not a decisive factor for building harmonious relationships.

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Does the age difference matter?

A common type of relationship is the one where the man is older than the woman. Representatives of the stronger sex are thinking about creating a family closer to 30 years old. They need to first feel the taste of freedom, reach heights in their careers, and at an early age the family is not included in their plans. If the man is 1-10 years older, the age difference is considered favorable.

According to research by psychologists and sex therapists, the ideal difference is when a man is 4-5 years older than a woman. However, the well-being of a marriage largely depends on the psychological compatibility of partners, and age fades into the background.

Unions where a man is more than 10 years older are not approved by society. In most cases, these relationships are calculated. A husband who is much older than a woman can be not only the head of the family, but also a dictator who does not listen to the interests of loved ones. It is believed that soon the young wife will get bored with such a company, and she will want to communicate with peers.

But there are many couples with a large age difference who live happily. A man who has taken place financially, has a formed character, knowledge and experience, provides a girl with care and protection and appreciates her as a person. With such a person, she feels like behind a stone wall, and she is not afraid to give birth to children.

There are many couples where the wife is older than the husband. If the age difference is within 1-5 years, then the society reacts normally. You can meet happy couples where the woman is much older than her husband, but they do not find understanding of those around them. Such ladies are often jealous of their husbands for younger girls or provide him with overprotection. A young spouse may want a peer society, despite the comfort and care provided.

Psychology of relations between a man and a woman in marriage

Peers

Marriages where a guy and a girl are the same age are the most popular. Partners have an identical worldview and deeply understand each other. They may have the same interests, priorities, and outlook on life. However, the number of divorces between such couples is quite high. The main reasons for this are:

1. 1. Loss of interest. The guy and the girl begin to deeply understand each other already in the 2nd year of the relationship. They easily calculate all the actions of a partner in advance and are faced with a boring routine.
2. 2. Errors. If young people do not have experience in relationships, then it is very difficult to avoid vivid quarrels and conflicts. It is difficult for them to make the right decisions and arrange a prosperous life.

Despite the large number of difficulties, couples between peers are the strongest. They can build a happy life together and give birth to healthy offspring.

Can a man fall in love at 50 psychology

Older man

When the difference in this union is 5-6 years, the man has time to gain life experience and is responsible for the relationship. He is an accomplished person who is financially secure. A union may be favorable if it is 7, 8 and 9 years older. Society is loyal to couples whose age difference does not exceed 10 years.

Husbands who are more than 10 years older than their wives manage to build a career, cease to depend on the opinions of relatives and loved ones and are guided not by emotions, but by logic. They rarely make the silly mistakes that are common in couples where the boyfriend and girlfriend are the same age. Such spouses are more tolerant of the partner's shortcomings and wiser in everyday matters. In addition, a man who is 12-13 years older has a great sexual experience that allows him to keep his young wife.

With a difference of 14 - 15 years, the couple has every chance of a favorable relationship. A man will be able to provide his wife with stability and comfort, and she will inspire him to new exploits. In such couples, unsolvable domestic and sexual problems rarely arise. Thanks to the experience gained, the spouse helps the young woman develop, and in return receives care, respect and love. However, if a man is already over 35, then he may already have children from other marriages, and he may not want to have offspring with a new young wife.

If a man is 16-18 years older, then the couple should think about the advisability of such a relationship. A girl 20 - 25 years old rarely has common interests with a man who is already over 40. At this age, men need family and stability, and a woman's soul may be prone to fun and thrills. With people who are 20-23 years older, most often girls who are deprived of their father's attention or who are inclined to seek material gain begin a relationship.

A woman who has chosen a friend who is more than 20 years older than her will have to face negative attitudes from those around her. An aged partner can surround a young girl with material benefits, but she shares her energy with him and begins to age rapidly. Many women do not realize that soon her lover will turn into a gray-haired old man. She will need to take care of his health, and she will have to forget about the birth of children and a rich sex life.

Young guy and adult woman love

Hello to all the editorial staff of Brodude!) Thank you very much for such a wonderful site! I am happy to read, keep up the good work.

Well, now the question itself. Do you think there is any extreme age difference for a serious relationship? It so happened that I fell madly in love with a girl 15 years older, she is with me too. I'm even ready to marry her, but the most important thing is that her mother is very, very opposed, and everyone else also says that the difference is too huge. In communicating with her, I myself do not notice that this difference hinders us, of course, there are certain moments, even if she has more life experience, but this does not hinder. I think it's worth continuing this relationship, but how to convince her mom? The girl depends on her very much.

Answer

Hi dude! Thank you for your trust and for addressing such a serious matter. You know, now I don't even want to laugh it off - it is customary for us, men, to discuss such things in life privately. But since we do not have the opportunity to discuss, for example, in a bar, we will try to help with advice here. While I was reading your letter, I involuntarily asked myself: "How old is he?" Let's take it as an axiom that your girlfriend is a little over 30, and you are at least over 18 (sooo hope so). Then another, no less important question arises: why does your chosen one depend so much on her mother? Do they still live together? No, do not think, I do not want to offend you in any way. Moreover, I believe that all ages are submissive to love. LOVE, do you understand? And here, over the billions of years of the Earth's existence, there is no single recipe - just take it and love it. If you feel that you are experiencing a conscious, adult feeling, and not girly "butterflies in the stomach", consider yourself lucky. If this is also mutual, you are generally a hero: not every man at a young age is ready to take on the responsibility of a relationship with an older girl. But it looks more like a kind fairy tale, in real life There are a couple of things to keep in mind.

Often we see relationships where a man is older than his chosen one, and this phenomenon was best described by Evgeny Grishkovets: it is easier to surprise and conquer a young girl, it is easier to take care of her. Hence the constant divorces, the fault of which is beautiful and slender, ruining families. But we are not talking about that, in your situation there is also something to think about. Who are you for your girlfriend: an opportunity to tell the world that she is still young and attractive, or a mountain, a wall, support and support? I feel a little strange, because you only asked a couple of questions, and I have piled them on you already a whole bunch. I hope there is a touch of rationality in all this.
So, there is definitely no marginal age difference. But remember that family life is not only lovely walks in the park and going to the cinema to the last row, it is also everyday life. Sitting on the neck of your lady is definitely not our way. You will probably want to pay bills and buy groceries on your own, for this you will need to work, not forgetting about study. From this we can conclude: if you want to convince your friend's mother, convince her of your solvency and prospects. If you are really serious, honor and praise you. Another thing is that you are taking an important step: you transform from a green teenager immediately into a man with work and family chores, skipping the carefree time of your students, when you should start looking for your own way. It's not an option to spend your whole life at work for the sake of work.

Do not forget that many psychological tests await you. From the side of your peers, who will never understand your romantic mood. From your relatives, who dreamed of seeing a young princess next to you. On the part of your girlfriend's friends, who probably already have a certain position in society and family affairs. From strangers who will openly stare at you. And the most serious thing is on the part of your girlfriend, when she gradually begins to grow old and inevitably have complexes about this. Nature has played a strange joke with us: men, if they keep themselves in shape, and at 40 can look like at 25, and the weaker sex is more difficult - the first wrinkle at 30 can cause two weeks of depression and expensive surgery.

All in all, dude, remember that love is unique. Do you feel strong and confident? Cards in hand! Even if it happens that you break up after a while (purely hypothetically), you will get an invaluable experience. And this is sometimes more important than anything else. If it comes to the wedding, which we sincerely hope for, call the entire Brodude editorial team for this event, we will be pleased (although we are, of course, unlikely to come)!

The age difference is less of an obstacle than age itself.
Yuzef Bulatovich

Many aspects of the relationship between a man and a woman become the reason for many disputes and discussions. Particularly controversial is the topic of the permissible age difference between spouses. Some argue that the minimum difference is a guarantee of a long relationship, while others believe that one of the spouses should be much more experienced. Let's try to understand this difficult issue and find a middle ground.

Peers

Marriages were especially popular among peers in the days of the USSR, which had sunk into oblivion. Then it was believed that between a man and a woman there should be no outstanding difference: neither in work nor in personal life. Therefore, marriages among people whose age was about the same were welcomed, and any deviations from the norm were condemned. Many representatives of the generation of the sixties met at school, institute, after which they quickly and without unnecessary preparations created families.

Statistics claim that peer-to-peer marriages today are early marriages. Indeed, young people under twenty most often marry girls of their own age group.

There are many advantages to such marriages. These are common interests, a common circle of friends, approximately the same life experience and future prospects. This means that the spouses are pulling the cart. family life practically on equal speed and carry similar baggage.

But there are plenty of disadvantages in such families. Too similar to each other, spouses can quickly get bored with each other, because after a few years they will be able to predict each other's actions and guess thoughts with almost a hundred percent probability. In addition, the absence of a more experienced partner, especially in young families, threatens with many rash actions, stupid mistakes and frequent quarrels for no reason.

A man is older than a woman

This is a classic relationship. At different times, the permissible age of grooming was different, but it always began at the age of 30. A man got to his feet, got a profession, gained experience, was determined by his goals and desires, and could support his family. Until the twentieth century, it was quite common when a fifty-year-old man wooed a young girl, and this did not raise any doubts either among the girl or among society.

In our time, marriages are quite common when a man is older than a woman. Sometimes this difference is almost imperceptible and amounts to 3-5 years. Sometimes it is much more. It has been noticed that society is more receptive to couples where a man is no more than ten years older than a woman. A more serious age difference between spouses can cause misunderstandings between them and relatives, colleagues and friends. But, discarding prejudices, in such marriages you can find their advantages.

Families where a man is older than a woman are considered stronger. In such a relationship, the husband plays the role of an unconditional leader, he is able to restrain emotions and not provoke quarrels, he is ready to provide for his wife and children, he is ready to make concessions and knows how not to make mistakes inherent in youth. A wife with such a husband can feel like she is behind a stone wall.

But at the same time, in such families, the husband often becomes a dictator, whose word will always be decisive. The wife may feel a lack of fresh air, because the husband is literally ready to make all decisions for her, and not all of these decisions may be to her taste. In addition, if the age difference is really large and is 20, 30, or even 40 years, there are often cases when the wife is bored with a monotonous measured life with an elderly spouse, and she goes to a younger fan.

Such a relationship has a chance only if the older husband does not lose respect for his young wife, and is not afraid to trust her in making some decisions that the wife can handle.

Scientists, such as sociologists, physicians and psychologists, believe that this difference should be such that the partners are approximately in equal conditions, at the same stage of development. On the same wavelength, as they say. To fully satisfy, complement and fill each other with positive energy.

Of course, the levels of physical and mental development are individual for each person. And very often they do not coincide with his actual age. There is such a concept as biological age, psychological, and finally, the age of a person's soul, which vary even among representatives of the same generation within fairly significant limits. But still ... It is a well-known fact that boys mature later than girls, and a man's social growth is somewhat delayed, while his sexual potential after forty begins to decline, and female sexuality, on the contrary, is still in full bloom. In Russia, a man should traditionally be older and more experienced than his wife. But modern trends of emancipation and feminization have significantly changed the age characteristics of marriages, where wives are older than their husbands and much more experienced. So,

the most optimal age difference between a man and a woman is 10-15% in favor of a man. That is, a man must still be older. When this difference does not exceed 10 years, we are talking about an equal marriage.

However, even 10 years for some people is quite a long time.

Cases when a wife is several years older than her husband can also be considered successful, because the levels of development of sexuality in such spouses will coincide more, the female libido that is rapidly developing after 30 years will find a successful refraction in the male potency that has not yet extinguished. But you still have to live up to this age. Very often, the spouses, without waiting for the magical sexual transformation of a woman, manage to get bored with each other so much that they no longer have time for sex.

In general, everything is very individual. Someone at forty is a helpless child, while another at twenty managed to get to know life so deeply and get tired of it that it is just right to enroll in old people.

In short, the optimal situation is in which the spouses feel calm, comfortable, equal, without straining, and the age difference is not felt by them at all, does not bring discomfort to their lives, does not force them to go against their interests, needs and physical capabilities. Then they develop in about the same way, and age difficulties are overcome by about the same.

The situation is much more complicated for those couples who marry a partner who is 15-20-30 years younger. Now it has become normal and even fashionable when young girls marry grandfathers or men much older than themselves, or, on the contrary, women of Balzac's age create a family with young men.

As a rule, those who turn out to be older have already been married, often unsuccessful. And with the help of a young partner, they are trying to solve some of their problems, which we will talk about below.

Let's leave for history the cases of great love, when a truly wonderful insight occurs between people, which unites their immortal souls in the often platonic spiritual union of two loving creatures - these are, rather, exceptions to the rule. Let's talk about an average, ordinary family, with everyday life, sex, children, problems, etc. With the family that is forced to exist in our society, among our inhabitants, stereotypes and social conditions. And we will mainly touch on marriage, where the man is much older.

Why do some individuals enter into such unequal marriages? Is it always in an outburst of great love or for some more mercantile reasons, in which they are afraid to admit to themselves? And what are the chances of such a marriage?

When a man is older

Benefits for the husband:

A young wife is an indicator of his male wealth, an object of pride, a kind of achievement that can be boasted to friends and acquaintances, regardless of real success in this area. “And Ivanov something else oh-ho-ho! And we thought that sand was pouring from him! "

Potency problems that arise in adulthood are solved at first very successfully with a young and charming beauty. Very often, solving his sexual difficulties at her expense, such a man prefers a virgin or a woman with little or no sexual experience, so as not to lose in comparison with other men. Because he is not confident in his capabilities and abilities. And with a girl with a still undeveloped sexual appetite, no experience, he feels like a hero-lover and is relatively calm.

With a young woman, it is easier for a man of any level of intelligence and development to feel more significant. If with a peer he may seem helpless and incapable, then in this case the advantages of age make him almost the Lord God, who is just right to lay prayers and look into his mouth.

A man regains his lost youth, is energetically nourished from a young creature. Falling in love, impulse, inspiration, what he lacked so much in life, suddenly poured into a powerful stream into his gray existence and transform everything around him. A young partner very often becomes a powerful incentive for the growth and self-improvement of a man who has become disillusioned with himself and his life. Sometimes she turns for him just into Lifebuoy from stress and depression that plague men in the modern world.

Benefits for the wife:

The girl is looking for a patron and protector in her older friend - something that she, perhaps, lacked in her own family. If she grew up without a father or her father paid little attention to her, then the need for a kind dad, who will love her and take her under his wing in such a marriage, is fully satisfied.

An older man treats a girl with trepidation and tenderness, not at all like her rude peers. He knows the price female beauty, knows how to look after and does it with pleasure, he understands her needs for affection, attention, support, he says exactly the words that she wants to hear. He tries to adjust to her, listen, fulfill her desires and satisfy her needs. All this is tempting and much more attractive than the impetuous, impetuous communication with young people and their violent hypersexuality, which sometimes brings sheer disappointment and pain.

Sometimes, thanks to the patronage and connections of her husband, a young wife makes a career, gets an excellent education, she has prospects for growth and development. Perhaps she would have been deprived of them in the event of marriage with her peer. Very often her boss, teacher, leader becomes her husband, who remains for them in life if they get married. Such a fruitful joint cooperation significantly increases the chances of both for successful professional growth. For he will go out of his way to really become her guiding star. And she struggled to reach for him.

Provided there is spiritual kinship, mutual understanding, a strong sexual constitution of a man and a relative coldness of a woman, such a marriage can be quite successful and durable ...

Romantic relationships that end in marriage inevitably lead to a common life, where a man, in order to match the rhythm of youth, will have to strain. No matter how close the interests of people of different generations may seem, they will inevitably be at a certain distance from each other. Different musical preferences, different films, different books, different rhythms of life, tastes, views. The abyss is too big. Even if in words a young woman tries to match his level, internally she will not be able to do it. And in her soul a precipitate of unmet needs for understanding, sympathy, correspondence and coincidence will gradually form. In their strenuous attempts to match each other, there will be too many points of non-contact. To which it will be more and more difficult to turn a blind eye when the life together begins.

In the sexual life of such a couple, problems are inevitable, as is inevitable the fading of a man's sexual capabilities and the flowering of those in a normal healthy woman. Her temperament, some coldness at the initial stage will be the best fit for the potential of her husband. At first, sex with an experienced husband, who is in no hurry to get pleasure only for himself, will attract her, and she will appreciate his attention, the desire to give her pleasure, gallantry, knowledge of the characteristics of her body and psyche. But when she finally gets this pleasure one day ... when her sexuality awakens and develops (unless her husband deliberately extinguishes it), then the rhythm and style of their relationship in bed will soon cease to satisfy her. And most importantly, it will plunge the man into even greater depression than he experienced before meeting this heavenly creature. A burning desire and the inability to fulfill it, and a bitter realization of this - this is such a disappointing ending for a romantic story of a marriage of different ages.

A growing man requires care and attention, which a young creature may not be capable of, because she herself sees in him the embodiment of her dream of an ideal daddy. By the way, some young women also call their adult husbands "daddy". They do not realize that daddy also sometimes needs a "mommy" who would understand his sciatica correctly, would not ridicule senile farsightedness and would calmly treat his little age-related weaknesses. If in her place there would be a person of the same age or almost the same age, then the naturalness of the aging process would be perceived by them calmly. And then how can you grunt and complain! So he keeps himself constantly in tight-knit gloves and does not allow himself to breathe. And she is more and more angry at his helplessness and soreness, and not only inwardly, but out loud.

With a man much older than herself, a woman ages much faster. She involuntarily adjusts to the rhythm of his life and fades away prematurely. Sometimes he goes down, puts an end to his development and self-improvement. What for? She has everything, the need to achieve something does not arise on her own, since a kind wizard in the person of her husband will decide everything for her, do, deliver, think out. And she? She so revels in the role of a beautiful toy in his hands, confident in her charm, sex appeal, exclusivity and eternal youth that she does not notice how she herself turns into a grumpy old woman who forgets to look after herself, take care of herself and develop.

Very often, to be honest, a young woman goes to such a marriage for material reasons. She is attracted by security, solvency, the level of social protection that a man of age can provide her. But she forgets that you have to pay for everything in life, and for her packing too. So the girl gets into a golden cage and is completely material, psychological and sexual dependence on her husband. Who is not only older and more experienced than her, but also more independent, wealthier and more influential, in which case he has a wide variety of connections. Breaking the bonds of such hostage, especially when children were born in this marriage, is extremely difficult, especially since many men, taught by the bitter experience of their comrades, do not leave the young wife any material compensation if she wants to break out of bondage. And, on the contrary, for a man it is also a kind of undercurrent, when a young, nimble beauty, using his "kindness", is only engaged in decorating, hoarding and wasting his money right and left.

My friend's husband got into exactly the same trouble when, at 42, he suddenly left the family for a young secretary with long legs. He divorced his wife without scandals, she reacted with understanding and love to this weakness of his, she was sure that she would return, so he returned, after four years. Yes, he, in general, did not leave almost, they met all the time, took care of the children. And a young 22-year-old girl, as he later said: “I somehow graduated from the university, did not want to work. Outfits, bruliks, resorts, nightclubs, parties - these are all her interests. Very quickly we had nothing to even talk about. And there were problems in bed. Whims, then I want to, I want to, until you are stupefied, then I don’t want, I won’t, until you promise some next expensive surprise. Solid trade of some kind. And when I announced the divorce to her, all her relatives came running and began to convince me that I had seduced their child, crippled her life, and now I am driving out of the house barefoot. And this angel, whom I, according to them, seduced, at the age of 22 already had two abortions, why we did not succeed in children, which, frankly speaking, I am very happy about. I had to pay off. Donate an apartment, a car, not to mention all sorts of rags and bruises. And he returned to his wife - it felt like a relief from the heart. It turns out that she was waiting for me, sweetheart, a scoundrel. She is so dear, her own, close. And she always needed me, both when I was a simple builder, and when I started doing business. Because she loves not my money, but me. Like this".

A happy and a bit sad story. But, unfortunately, not all such stories end so beautifully. Not every woman is able to forgive a four-year betrayal and accept her husband. Not every man is able to realize that he bought into external effects and made his wife unhappy.

Age difference

What a difference in essence if you love each other, and do not invent a beautiful legend for your unfulfilled dreams and secret ambitions. When you do not deceive each other and yourself, including that you really need this marriage. When your relationship is warmed by true closeness, love, mutual understanding and the desire to make each other happy, then the question of age disappears. He's superfluous. Love for all ages. And your souls are generally of the category of eternity and do not have such. Therefore, love, be fruitful and multiply, regardless of someone's opinions, age restrictions, warnings, fears.

But if love in your relationship is seen very approximately, and you just want to solve your internal problems at the expense of another person, then forget that everything, perhaps, will somehow work out happily. Because your original motive is selfish, you make plans and have a certain calculation. The likelihood that you will receive bills is very high.

In any case, this is your choice. And no one can solve this extremely important life issue for you, on which, perhaps, your whole future depends.

Irina VLASENKO