Sometimes children are simply unbearable: they run, jump, scream, throw tantrums. Parents, at one point, realize that they cannot do without punishment. But how to punish, for example, a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old child? After all, children are so different due to their age and stage of development. In this article, we will name the most effective measures impact on children, qualifying them according to age criteria.

Punishing a 1 year old child

The age of one year is the time of great children's discoveries and achievements. Children learn to walk, throw objects, overcome certain obstacles, etc. and are not yet aware of what is possible and what is not. Is it possible to punish a child for trying to understand and study the world around him? Of course not. Parents need to understand that at this stage of development, it is necessary to make the baby understand what the concepts “allowed” and “prohibited” mean.

In other words, did the baby break the plate? Explain in a stern tone that such behavior is unacceptable, the plate is not a ball, and it will break when hit. If the same act is repeated, have another conversation, remaining calm and patient.

What will happen if we start applying educational measures to children at an early age? First, you need to figure out what kind of punishment can pacify the baby. Put it in a corner? It won’t help, the baby won’t be able to grasp the essence of such a restriction of his freedom. Hurt? But the parent is not a trainer, and the baby is not an animal to use such methods that can greatly harm the child’s psyche.

ATTENTION! Most effective way- talk with a one-year-old baby about the correctness or incorrectness of his actions.

Punishment of children 2-3 years old

At this age, restless people already understand what is right and what is wrong. But self-control is still lame. That's why punishment for a 2 year old child makes no sense, even psychologists do not advise punishing children at this age. The main parental “weapon” against disobedience is the word: speak, explain, give examples. And best of all, eliminate situations that provoke the baby to disobey.

It's worth noting that Children cannot be punished for:

• desire to explore the world around us. Has your child unscrewed the wheel of another car? Or does he put everything in his mouth to try? This is natural behavior for young children;
• physiological and age-related characteristics. If a 1.5-year-old baby cannot fall asleep without his mother, this is not a whim, but the norm;
• sloppiness. How many neat children do you know who don’t get dirty at all when walking or eating? These probably don’t exist;
• behavioral peculiarities. For example, you should not punish if a preschooler is afraid of the dentist;
• expression of feelings. If an older child is jealous of a parent for a younger one, it is worth explaining that you love him no less, but that his little brother is simply too small to take care of himself.

If a preschooler made a mistake, although he wanted to prevent it in every possible way, this is also not a reason to punish him, but only a chance to show by his own example that he needs to be more careful.

Usually, by the age of 3, little tomboys begin to recognize themselves as individuals and understand who the real performer of all actions is, as well as which actions please others and which do not. But this does not mean that at this stage they stop playing pranks, everything continues. Parents should inform their child not only whether this is prohibited or allowed, but also voice their attitude towards his actions. Use suggestions like“I was upset by your actions”, “I was very upset when I learned about this”, etc.

The crisis age is characterized by frequent children's tantrums. Therefore, punishing a three-year-old child should not be done for crying and dissatisfaction, as this will provoke another conflict.

REFERENCE! Best option- leave the baby alone with his thoughts. Thus, he will quickly come to his senses and this will help smooth out the tense situation in the house.

What should be the punishment for a 3 year old child?? Watch this video to learn in more detail about all the features of applying punishment to children of this age:

Punishment of children aged 4-5 years

“There is no education without punishment.” Is it worth punishing a 4-year-old baby? Let's figure it out.

Most psychologists assure that it is possible to punish at this age, but this should not harm their physical and mental health. You can use such types of punishment as restrictions on watching cartoons, setting time for reflection, correcting what you have done, etc.

It is not recommended to ignore children, especially at this stage, since they, at the age of 4-5 years, really need to communicate with their parents, and it is not considered advisable to deprive them of this opportunity. Mom or dad may be “offended” that the baby disobeyed them. Such resentment should be shown dryly, not cheerfully, without kind words communication. After this, the baby will very soon realize his mistake and will want to apologize to his parents. Don't forget to praise your preschooler for such an adult act.

Punishment of a child at 4 years old can be replaced by reading a fairy tale. Very effective method teaching good manners and rules of behavior through interesting and instructive stories. Plus, this way you can instill a love of books from the very beginning. early age. Did your baby disobey you today? Read him a bedtime story that describes stories about naughty children. A preschooler will definitely remember this lesson.

For children 4-5 years old and for any other age, the so-called method of natural consequences will work better than any punishment. Does your child want to spend more time outside? Yes, no problem. But it won’t be possible to return home by the time the cartoons start. Don't want to pack up your toys? Well, okay, mom will put them away, but she won’t have time to read a fairy tale.

IMPORTANT! When using this method, you should not allow children to do things that could harm their health.

Another part of the representatives of psychology insist that punishment for children 5 years old doesn't justify itself. The best approach to education is a complete rejection of any type of punishment. Parents just need to set boundaries that the child is not allowed to go beyond. You can learn more about this approach to parenting by watching this video:

It is worth noting, in turn, some psychologists argue that light corporal punishment can be applied to children in cases of threat to their life and health. In this video we invite you to listen to all the motives for this impact:

Punishment of children 6-7 years old

At this age, they should be punished for serious offenses, since at 6.5 years old they perfectly understand the consequences of their actions and already know how to answer for them. He already has his own opinion, which he is able to defend. In cases where the child is mistaken, it is enough to simply talk to him and find out why he adheres to this or that point of view, which is why he thinks that this is normal. After all, if a preschooler has not learned to distinguish between what is bad and what is good before this age, it is not his fault, but his parent’s. This means that mom and dad couldn’t teach him this. Why punish the baby now? Agree, this is unfair.

It is unacceptable to use punishment for character traits. Is your baby overly calm and doesn’t like active games? Resign yourself, this is his distinguishing feature, there is no reason for punishment.

Some parents prefer to punish their 7-year-old children by doing homework. Is this correct? Safe to say no. In this way, the student is discouraged from learning, homework This is a punishment for him. Why do you need to do homework today if he has not done anything wrong, but the child is obliged to do it and therefore feels punished every day. Completing a task is a natural and almost daily procedure; it should not be turned into a compulsory educational measure.

Many mothers and fathers also believe that children can be punished with money. But this is not entirely true. Given punishment for a 7 year old child can be used when the offense results in material damage. For example, a schoolboy broke a window in the school canteen with a ball. Of course, parents will cover the costs, but as a punishment, they can reduce the amount of children's pocket money every week until the loss is compensated.

Useful video

The following video explains how to properly punish children:

Imagine this picture. You, after a long day at work, come home tired. Traditionally, you look around. The child is safe, all the furniture is in place, the flowers are in pots, you can breathe out... And then your Barsik comes out to meet you, crookedly cut to look like a lion. And in the back is a satisfied young hairdresser.

What to do? Shout, spank, put in a corner? What if you want to do everything at once? Take your time. Calm down by using the methods we wrote about earlier and read this article.

We remembered the most common types of punishment and added to each item the opinions “for” and “against” of parents from various forums and social network pages.

1. Use force.
Many parents spend hours arguing on thematic forums about whether they can or cannot use physical strength as a method of education. Some are categorically against it and are ready to defend this position with foam at the mouth, others believe that nothing will happen with a few spanks, while others say that without a belt you won’t be able to educate.

“You can’t beat people, no one, big or small. But if a person is hysterical, then they stop him with a slap in the face, right? Yes, in the overwhelming majority of cases (in my opinion), physical “punishment” of a child is a reflection of the parents’ helplessness and pedagogical “fiasco.” But there are cases when a child can be brought to his senses only with a slap on the bottom? (while remaining calm internally and, oddly enough, based on parental love).”

“It’s one thing to “beat” children and quite another to “slap them on the butt.” When he was a year old, no one punished anyone, but now his son is 2.5 years old and sometimes gets spanked on the butt. Both my sister and I were spanked on the butt when we were children, and once I even snatched the belt (for the cause, I remember). We grew up ordinary, well-mannered and loving people girls. My husband was beaten thoroughly as a child, and he seems to have grown up well-mannered, too, but there is still anger at his parents. Maybe send it (I heard it once:((((
Thus, my conclusion boils down to the fact that an occasional spanking on the butt (on purpose) is sometimes simply irreplaceable. And they have nothing to do with the concept of “beating”, “beating” a child.
I also like the way of calming down - to spank me with a belt once, and then just scare me with it, like, now I’ll take the belt...”

AGAINST:

“I was beaten as a child for all kinds of nonsense. Well what can I say? Let them not be surprised that I rarely call, I come even less often, and what should we talk about?
And in fact, it’s not a matter of beating, but the parents’ unwillingness to understand their child (in my case). Of course, I worry about them and hope that everything is fine with them, but I get zero support from them.”

“I also don’t understand and don’t accept spankings on the butt and other punishments. Our parents never laid a finger on us; everything went on in an educational conversation. I have never hit my child or put him in a corner either. Think for yourself when you say the word IMPOSSIBLE! What does this mean for the child? He doesn’t understand that he can’t, does he? why not? I let my child try everything. So that he understands my words. Want to touch a hot kettle? - let him touch you with your finger, let him understand that he can’t, it means it’s dangerous. Let him take scissors and, under your supervision, cut paper, sew with a needle, and inject himself. So that the word cannot be an empty phrase. Let him get his clothes dirty on the street, jump in a puddle, have fun (you need to have clothes for the street that you can drag around in the mud). This is childhood and you need to learn and try everything. My child spills his cup every day. So what should I do? Doesn't this happen to you? you’re not in the mood, you broke the dishes, you don’t want to swim today. After all, no one hits you on the butt. You want the child to be and behave according to your model, which you have drawn up in your head. But a child is a person first and foremost, and this must be taken into account.”

5 SITUATIONS WHEN YOU REALLY SHOULD NOT PUNISH A CHILD

2. Scream.
Is it possible or not to shout at a child? Multi-page forums are replete with topics: “I’m yelling at a child: what should I do?!” Here opinions differ a little less than on the issue of spanking; most parents are against screaming, but then they themselves become ashamed of their lack of restraint. That's why these topics appear on forums.

“This happens sometimes. You tell him once, twice, three, four times - it’s like nothing, there’s zero reaction, then you bark... And immediately everything comes through!!!”

“I also yell sometimes, I can’t help it. Especially when you have to repeat it for the hundredth time - but you took the hat, or you put it down, or you did this. And nothing, or yes, yes, and then everything turns out to be forgotten, yelling... Of course, it’s not good, but it helps so much. The main thing is not to do it often, so that you don’t get used to the yelling.”

AGAINST:

“(Parents) yell out of powerlessness when they can’t or don’t know how to behave.Further, for my daughter this is an example of how one SHOULD behave, and she will become hysterical in response. Children are a mirror image of their parents, they are very attentive and far from stupid.Ideally, one glance should be enough for the parent to understand that his behavior is upsetting.”

“Will you put yourself in the child’s place? or imagine that you are already an elderly lady, and your already adult daughter, due to various problems and fatigue, yells at her already elderly mother?
How will it be for you?"

DO SCARY TOYS HARM CHILDREN?

3. Intimidate.
We all know sayings in the spirit of “if you don’t obey, I’ll give it to Baba Yaga.” And again: “That’s it! Now I’ll throw away all your toys!” Both promises are unfulfillable; after the first unfulfilled word, the child may stop taking you seriously. But many people think it helps. And they hope that Baba Yaga will really take the naughty child at least for a couple of hours.

“My children are telephone maniacs, so if they try to make trouble, I say that if it happens again, I will take the phone and will not give it back. Children very quickly accept the rules of the game.”

“My daughter has a sweet tooth. As soon as I tell her that I’ll eat all the sweets myself (of course I won’t, we have a lot of them), then immediately - mommy, mommy, I won’t do it again. It works flawlessly."

AGAINST:

“Intimidation by unknown means is a dubious option; it is unknown how it will affect the child. Well, for example, he will meet an old woman on the street and think it’s the same Baba Yaga, stress.
If you scare, although it’s better to threaten, with something specific, so that there is no flight of fancy that doesn’t know where it will turn.”

“Most often, fear is caused by incorrect parenting tactics and arises as a result of various types of intimidation. For example: “if you behave badly, Auntie the doctor will give you an injection,” or “I’ll give it to your uncle to the policeman,” or “If you don’t obey, the dog will drag you away,” etc. And so the harmless Ball, influencing with its tail, running up to the baby, becomes a super-strong irritant, and a doctor who comes to a sick child causes him horror.”

4. Deprive something.

Taking away a favorite toy, forbidding sweets or a tablet, not letting them go to the cinema - this is what parents often do in response to a child’s prank. Seems pretty logical. If you do something bad to us, then we feel bad to you, an eye for an eye, a telephone for a set broken by a ball.

FOR:

“We punish our child this way: we take away all the cars he plays with. If he is very guilty of something, then he is left without toys for two or three days. We also put it in the corner, thank God I started to understand what it is and why they put it there.”

“It is best to deprive a child of something. For example, if he tears up books or spoils toys, take them away and not give them back for a long time. If an older child begins to study poorly due to being on the Internet too often, remove the tablet or phone. Depriving yourself of sweets, cartoons, and walks is sometimes pointless, because there are children who will say that they don’t really need it. I judge by myself and my child.”

AGAINST:

“You can’t put all children under the same brush. I have two children and I have to apply my own method to each. If the eldest son was always affected by isolation and deprivation of any benefits and pleasures, then youngest child He’s very stubborn and this doesn’t affect him; expressing his disappointment with such behavior and talking about how this is not permissible helps.”

“Taking away what you love is wrong. And if they took away your phone at work because you went out to answer a call, you probably wouldn’t like it. There must be punishment such as the act. If you break it, clean it up, if you yell at it, apologize and you can always come to an agreement, not take it away.”

5. Organize a boycott.
Why shout or fight when you can just be silent? Let the child understand what's going on while the mother silently goes about her business. Quiet mother, quiet child, peace and quiet...

“And my parents punished me by completely ignoring me: it came quickly - I realized how disgusting I had acted, that they didn’t even want to talk to me, they didn’t even want to look in my direction. It is useless to hit and scream; I generally consider the angle to be obtuse and meaningless. I stop talking to my children too, the effect comes faster - they come up, voice their actions and behave differently. It is necessary for the child to analyze his own behavior and understand where he is wrong.”

“I didn’t punish the children. But she herself became very upset and fell silent. Both my daughter and son were very worried that I was silent and began to ask me why I looked so sad and why I was silent. That’s when I explained to them the reason for my sadness, they themselves asked for forgiveness, we made peace and our differences were settled with hugs.”

AGAINST:

“In my opinion, it would be much better to discuss with your child the reason for your dissatisfaction, explain why his action was wrong and why you should not do this in the future. Ignoring your baby and not talking to him is really not a good thing. Firstly, the child may not understand why his mother was offended by him. Secondly, he will get used to “hushing up” problems, and in the future this will not bring anything good.”

“A child is not a telepath to understand why his mother harbored a grudge, especially a baby. This will put pressure on him, but he may not realize or may not want to ask. As a result, half an hour of silence and upset mother and baby, who needs that?

WHEN CAN YOU LET CHILDREN GO WALKING UNATTENDED?

6. Place in a corner.
Another topic under discussion is whether it can be placed in a corner? Some say that it is possible, they were installed, they are promoting their children, and they will promote theirs. There's nothing better means, time-tested. Others say that their children do not stand in the corners and that negative energy generally accumulates there. Who is right is up to you to decide.

“The optimal method of punishment, according to our doctor, is the good old Angle. For hooliganism, refusal to obey, unreasonable whims that did not stop after the first (!) warning, you need to take the child by the hand, look him in the eyes, briefly and clearly say why he is being punished, and take him to an empty corner, preferably even in another room , and prohibit them from leaving (if they leave without asking, return them).”

“My 1.5-year-old daughter stood at the computer and demanded to turn on the cartoon. started whining (not crying), freaking out, stomping because... I wasn’t going to turn it on for her and said “no.” She took me to a corner and said that as soon as she stopped being capricious, she could come out. Not even a minute passed before the child forgot about his hysteria. Now he’s starting to give orders, I want her to go to the corner? the baby immediately becomes obedient. True, I don’t often threaten with an angle, so that it doesn’t become like a joke among us.”

AGAINST:

“As far as I remember, I was little and they put me in a corner, but the thing is that I don’t remember what I was thinking about there, but as a rule I didn’t feel guilty, apparently because my mother didn’t spend a lot of time on explanations, she just put it there and All. She also put her eldest son and the little ones in a corner to “think about their behavior,” learning from their parents’ mistakes and taking the time to explain the reason for the punishment. My son usually “thought” there, lying there, sitting, and also incomprehensibly about what:).”

“Not everyone can be put in a corner. My brother stood, but I didn’t, I simply went out and started doing some other things. I could either be asked not to do/do something, or I could have been clearly explained why these were the requirements for me. Usually after this I easily agreed. I never put my daughter in the corners, but if the child got very naughty, I took her to another room, sat down next to her and analyzed in detail what exactly seemed wrong to me in her behavior, then suggested that she sit and think about what the reason was and how avoid mistakes."

7. Make you work.

Another common type of punishment is labor. Most often - housework. “Now you’ll have to wash dishes for three weeks!” And they unloaded themselves, and they punished the child, and the dishes will be clean. The truth may not be very whole, if your naughty child gets tired of it all.

“Hello, I believe that the most important types of punishment are labor and deprivation of some pleasures. Work always helps a child improve, and who ennobles a husband’s work and helps him realize his actions.”

“Nowadays, children have no work discipline at all; they need to be taught it somehow, at least this way. But the housework will be done and the child will work hard. If my son behaved badly, I would leave him at home on the weekend with the computer, and send him to his grandfather’s dacha to build a well.”

AGAINST:

“Once, foolishly, apparently because I was absent from school, I forced a child to wash all the floors in the house. Well, of course, he washed his son, but since then he has been hostile to any request for help with cleaning. He also has his own responsibilities around the house, but now flooring is just for absenteeism, apparently.”

“No way!!! This is not a punishment, after all, you are one family and should distribute housework, and not punish it. So, will you only wash dishes on holidays?”

What else can parents advise when punishing a child?

• One crime - one punishment corresponding to the misdemeanor. Do not be cruel to minor offenses and do not let your child get away with serious offenses.
• The child must know the rules of behavior. If you didn’t explain to him in advance what he can and can’t do, then it’s more your fault than his.
• Don't delay. The child quickly forgets what he did. The punishment should follow immediately after, and not in the evening, when you have time.
• Be calm. If you constantly raise your voice, your child will get used to it and stop perceiving it as a threat. And at the same time he will adopt this type of behavior for himself.
• Agree with your spouse/relatives. If dad scolds and mom forgives, then the child will very quickly begin to manipulate the situation in his favor. You must be in solidarity, at least from the child's point of view.
• Tell your child off alone. You should not punish a child in public, it puts a lot of pressure psychologically.
• Do not punish your child for the same sins you yourself commit. If you carefully trimmed the cat’s fur before, don’t be surprised that the child decided to repeat after you.
• Reward good behavior. Remember that in addition to the stick, there is also a carrot.
  Consider the age and character of the child. Children are subject to different disciplinary measures at different times.
• It is clear that putting a schoolchild in a corner is no longer appropriate for his age. In addition, do not forget about his personality. If your child is usually sad and thoughtful, do not use the “intimidation” method; if he is too active, reading a moral will not help, etc.

Let your children be obedient and have fewer reasons to punish them!

No shouting or punishment. Let's try to figure out why we don't always succeed, and find out what needs to be done to ensure that a peaceful and calm environment reigns in our home.

According to psychologists, parents often fail to achieve anything with words because they use the wrong parenting methods. Experts also note that the baby’s temperament also plays a big role in this matter. Of course, in raising a child, there cannot be advice that would be equally suitable for each individual family. However, you should know the basic rules by following which you can build the right relationship.

Age crises in children

Sometimes parents misdiagnose their children's reasons. Moms and dads think that they are doing the wrong thing, contrary to prohibitions and out of spite. It turns out that the cause of whims and hysterics in many cases is an age crisis, which marks the main stages of a child’s growing up.

Stages of growing up of minor children:

1. From two to four years. This is the age when a child first begins to show his character. He wants to be more independent than his parents allow. Avoiding yelling and punishment at this age is quite easy.
2. Seven years. At this age, children become independent from their mothers and fathers in many matters. The difficulty is that at the age of seven a child may have authorities other than his parents.
3. Adolescence. Psychologists consider this period to be one of the most difficult in the life of every person.

Main rules of pedagogy

• First of all, it should be noted that you cannot put pressure on your young children with authority and try in every possible way to restrain their independence. This is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you can raise a fairly obedient child. But on the other hand, this also threatens that as an adult he will not be able to take responsibility for his actions. Relationships between parents and children should be built on the principle of partnership.
• Do not demand obedience from your child in the form of ultimatums and orders. It is much more correct to present your requests in the form of wishes.
• Praise your child often for good deeds.
• Never raise your voice when talking to your baby, do not lose your composure and remain calm.
• Remember that you are an authority for children. Always be a positive example for them. Children see their parents as an ideal and carefully observe how they behave within the family circle and among strangers. Before you reprimand your child for breaking any rules, make sure you don't break them either.

Learning to punish children correctly

Some parents believe that they cannot be raised without punishment and yelling. They are sure that this is one of the components pedagogical process. In this case, mothers and fathers must strictly adhere to the boundaries of punishment. They should understand that the goal of education should never be revenge, and follow some rules:

• There should be absolutely no violence in your relationship with your child. Even light spankings, supposedly as a joke, should be avoided.
• Parents' demands must always be consistent. Not allowed in different times treat the same child’s offense differently.
• The child must know that disobedience will lead to bad consequences.
• Punishment must be done immediately after the offense. Measures taken later will not be well received and will lose their effectiveness.
• Punishment of children in the family should be temporary.
• A bad deed should be discussed privately with the child.
• You cannot insult or label your child. It is the specific action that is subject to condemnation, not the child’s personality.
• Children should not remember their previous misdeeds. When discussing a child’s punishment, talk to him only about what he has done wrong now.

To spank or not to spank a child at 2 years old?

It is especially necessary to deal with the punishment of a child before three years old. To scold the baby or not, what to do with a naughty baby? Some parents, without thinking, use physical force: they put him in a corner or spank him on the bottom. Other adults prefer to put moral pressure on the child, for example, they refuse to read to the child before bed or do not allow him to watch a cartoon.

• fair,
• unfair.

A measure of punishment following a violation of the rules that the parents and the child previously discussed is considered fair. If a child is punished unfairly, then as a result he receives a very strong offense, and his parents receive a deep sense of guilt. We are talking about situations in which there is a misunderstanding of the meaning of punishment. Therefore, mothers and fathers should be as specific as possible about their requirements for the child.

Also, parents often unfairly punish their children due to the influence of any situations that are not directly related to the behavior of the children. Adults must learn to control their psycho-emotional state. This will prevent children from being confused by their parents' inconsistent behavior.

The most tragic situation, according to psychologists, is when a child is punished because he is unloved. If parents find the strength to admit this, then they can try to correct the situation. Relationships with children of such parents should be built on a sense of duty.

Educators never tire of repeating that the main task of mothers and fathers is to raise their children with minimal psychological trauma.

Child encouragement methods

The method of rewarding a child for good behavior is chosen based on his age. So, the younger the baby, the more tangible the encouragement should be for him. You can give your child a new toy that he has long wanted, or play with him for a longer time. Older children can be encouraged to go to the circus or entertainment complex next weekend. Older children have a better sense of time, so they will perceive this reward correctly.

Methods of punishment

When choosing methods of punishing a child, you must also take into account his age:

1. Insulation. If the child is guilty, he is either put in a corner or left in the room. There should be no entertainment nearby so that the child can calmly think about his offense and realize his guilt. The time of this punishment is very simple to calculate: no matter how old the child is, he should be isolated for so many minutes.
2. Deprivation of pleasures. If a naughty child has committed an unpleasant act, then as punishment it would be appropriate to deprive him of sweets or his favorite toy for a while.
3. Punishment of a child by a stranger. This method is very effective. Guys take criticism from strangers to heart, so you can ask a stranger to talk about the dangers of bad behavior.
4. Scream. This method should be used only in situations that are dangerous to the child’s health. You can yell at your child to make him stop the dangerous action. In other cases, this is not necessary. The baby, most likely, will not understand what the essence of the parental claims is, but he will learn the style of such behavior perfectly and will apply it to you.
5. Strictness. Some parents only need to look at their child sternly, and he begins to reflect on his behavior. Excessive severity leads to the fact that the child begins to lie in order to avoid punishment.

Every parent is convinced from his own experience that raising a child is one of the most difficult missions in a person’s life. If adults have the knowledge of how to do this correctly, then raising a child in mutual understanding and love will be much easier for them.

Oh, these naughty kids! How many nerves they take away from their parents, how many angry shouts they hear addressed to them and how many slaps they receive on their restless bottoms.

Any mother (and father) wants their child to be “ideal”, behave normally and immediately follow “orders” and requests. But these are all dreams, since in reality children not only do not obey their parents, but also try to resist their will.

How to teach to stop a child’s disobedience in the bud? What methods of punishment can be used in the education process, and which ones should never be used? Finally, how to properly punish a child and is it possible to ensure that he obeys you unquestioningly?

Parenting styles

A child's obedience is a result of the parenting model that is applied to him. Psychologists distinguish:

• authoritarian style, loved by modern mothers and fathers, in which the will of the baby is actively suppressed by the parent;
• democratic style, which is to give the child the right to vote and include him in public activities;
• mixed style, accompanied by both tightening the “nuts” and loosening them.

Why don't children listen?

Most parents feel that their children do not listen to them simply because they do not want to do so or because they are showing character. In fact, there are many reasons for a child to disobey.

They don't understand

First of all, children don’t understand if they are loved if they constantly scream? What needs to be done to stop mom’s mouth from foaming and dad’s eye twitching? The baby is lost under the yoke of endless screaming and does not know what to do, because abandoning him for not finishing his rice porridge is impossible in principle?

They don't like the way we talk

“If you don’t obey, you’ll understand what will happen!” Isn’t this what children hear when their parents lose their temper? But if a leader lives in a child, he will not take on someone else’s authority (especially such a nervous one). Obedience in this sense is contrary to his nature and it is better to negotiate with such a child rather than suppress him.

They have a weak nervous system

It happens that a child is simply unable to take responsibility, so it is easier for him to follow someone rather than decide something on his own. Such children are quite easy to control, but relying on them is a matter of fantasy. In addition, these kids need unconditional support and control.

They fake obedience

Let's call this a “payoff” for the opportunity to do what he wants: the baby pretends that he is obeying, but in reality it turns out that this is completely wrong. The double life that children lead is their model of communication with uncompromising parents.

You insult or humiliate them

Ask yourself: are you setting the more obedient neighbor girl as an example to your child? If yes, then your baby’s soul is tormented by constant comparisons and he simply does not want to experience these humiliations.

By devoting all their attention to an “important” task and working on it for hours, children irritate their parents, who believe that they could be doing something more important at this time. But the child is simply not interested in this state of affairs and will not respond to your raising your tone on this matter.

They are too obedient

Children whose emotions are suppressed are unable to recover on their own. Under parental oppression, they forget about themselves and what it means to rejoice when you want, or cry when it hurts.

Punishments: are they necessary?

What to do if your child does not listen to you? Is it possible to scold him and how exactly? Is it worth seeking instant execution of orders or is it better to leave the choice to the child?

Dear parents, it is necessary to punish children, you just need to adequately perceive and put into practice this word - “punishment”. After all, some of the child’s actions are completely immoral (he not only did not eat the porridge, but poured it on the head of a passerby) and pose a danger to the lives of others.

Is it everyone?

Girls, perhaps, in some cases should be treated more gently, but punishing a child - a son - should be done in accordance with the full severity of the “law”.

We choose punishment depending on age

If you scold a child who is not yet three years old, it will not bear any fruit. As a result, he will only be able to understand that you do not love him. Yes, he realizes that the toy broke and paint spilled on the tablecloth, but the child does not connect this “situation” and “its culprit” together.

2 years and younger

If your child is 2-2.5 years old, simply explain to him what happened and why he shouldn’t do this. Scold him and show him by your own example what should have been done.

The fact is that a child’s bad behavior at this age is self-affirmation, a consequence of lack of attention from parents or “revenge” for not fulfilling what they promised.

3 years and older

When the baby gets older (3 years or more), you can start raising him, but only without screaming. Try to tell your child about his bad behavior in a calm manner, explain why he is wrong, and what he needs to do so as not to upset you.

After some time, the child will absorb the information received and will easily distinguish bad deeds from good ones.

Correct punishment technique

You cannot punish a child in the same way for spilling compote, getting a bad grade, or an unapproved absence from home for several hours. Scolding him for little things means upsetting the balance of punishment: the child will simply get confused about what is an extremely bad deed and what is a minor offense.

It is not superfluous, if not obligatory, to have a “debriefing”: you must understand why he behaved this way. For example, he received a bad grade not because he did not learn the lesson, but because he had recently moved to a new school and simply did not have time to adapt to the new teacher and his teaching method.

You need to realize that such stressful situations directly affect the child's behavior and you, as a parent, should help him solve the problem as quickly as possible, and not yell at him or put him in a corner.

What could be the punishment and can it be applied?

The “punishment market” is quite abundant in offers, so you need to clearly understand which methods of raising a child can be used (and when), and which ones should not be resorted to even in the most extreme situations.

Disgrace

Humiliating a child’s self-esteem and disgracing his personal dignity is the worst case scenario. The child will definitely remember the public humiliation and in the future his resentment will burst out.

“Labels” and name-calling

Under no circumstances should you call a child dirty and offensive words: “stupid”, “inept” and even more so “trash”. This affects his self-esteem and distances him from his beloved parents at a huge emotional distance.

Ignoring

Very often, the parents of an offending child resort to the “ignoring” method: they do not seem to notice him, do not talk to him and avoid any contact.

It is necessary to understand that such a model of punishment can only be effective when there is a close emotional connection between the child and his parent, which the child is extremely afraid of losing.

Authoritarian order

The famous standing in the corner, “on the peas” and other types of restriction of freedom. It is best to resort to such punishments when the child has really done something wrong and his actions have led (or can lead) to serious consequences. For example, he got into a fight with another child or climbed onto a high roof from which he could have fallen.

Restriction of rights

The point is that parents simply forbid the child to do what he loves: playing a console or sitting at a tablet, walking on the street or meeting with friends.

You can use this type of punishment if you have agreed in advance with the child on the rules of behavior. It is necessary for the child to understand: if he breaks them, punishment will follow.

Deprivation of goodies

This includes depriving the child of all kinds of sweets (ice cream or chocolate), toys (if he has scattered them around the house and does not want to clean them up) and going to the cinema. Tell the rules of the “game” in detail so that the child understands for what offenses he will be deprived of these pleasures.

Verbal punishment

You can kill with a word - do you know that? Therefore, when you start arguing with your child and proving that you are right, never tell him that you don’t love him anymore, that you are ashamed, that you curse the day when he...

There is probably no need to explain why this type of “punishment” should not be used.

“Correct” verbal punishment - does it always work?

Ideally, parents want their child to accept stern talking with a slight increase in tone as punishment. This is a common situation for those families in which the atmosphere is friendly and calm, and any increase in tone is already perceived by the child as a “red light”.

But if it is customary in the family to speak loudly or swear, then the baby simply will not react to the screams. Therefore, it is very important to learn to talk to him calmly and scold only about really serious violations.

Physical force: in what cases is it justified?

The very last argument in the fight for obedience is the use of force. It should be used only when all available ways to raise a child have been tried, but none of them have brought any benefit.

When is physical punishment unacceptable?

You need to understand that you cannot physically punish for disobedience:

• teenagers (this greatly affects their self-esteem);
• children who do not behave entirely correctly because they are sick (for example, a child has enuresis and he peed on the bed, and you hit him on the butt for this);
• babies who are very tired and want to sleep;
• a child who has recently experienced trauma.

What can be done instead of punishment?

Count to ten!

Many mothers and fathers, having lost their temper with the baby, reproach themselves for not being able to restrain themselves. After all, there was nothing to punish him for - just think, he just spilled a glass of water! Having come to their senses, the parents are tormented by what happened, but they can no longer change the situation: the butt is stuffed, and the child is standing in the corner and crying.

The feeling of guilt forces them to make up for their “misdemeanor” by buying gifts for the child, which has an extremely negative impact on the education system.

The best thing to do if you see something “scary” like a spilled glass of water is to count to ten. After spending about five seconds on this, you will notice that the anger has gone somewhere, and all the offensive words are “stuck” in your throat and you don’t want to say them at all.

Forgive

Sometimes you should immediately forgive a child for what he has done. But this means that never after that you should remind him of what you did (to forgive means to forget).

If you insist that the child himself asks you for forgiveness, remember: he must understand why he is doing this and for what. What will he do next time? If the answer suits you, then you are doing everything right.

Know how to ask for forgiveness yourself, especially if you were really wrong.

Encourage

It is important not only to correctly punish a child, but also to be able to reward him for good deeds, because it is impossible to endure only “troubles” without feeling the effect of the “carrot”. Praise your child every time he does something right or fulfills your request, even if it is not very difficult.

What methods of punishment are preferable?

You can:

• assign the child “penalty work”: let him remove the garbage, wash the dishes, clean the carpet he stained;
• tell him a fairy tale about how a little naughty boy did bad things and what he suffered for it;

• restrict freedom: put in a corner or sit on a chair;
• deprive him of something good: playing on a laptop or ice cream;
• use the “self-punishment” method: let him spill a glass of water on himself;
• talk to him strictly or shout a little, but remember the limits;
• look at him angrily;
• Explain why the child is wrong, especially if his offense was committed for the first time.

"D" in behavior

Remember that punishing a child for bad behavior does not mean committing an act of cruelty, but trying to achieve an awareness of inevitability. The child must understand that if he does something, he will definitely be punished.

If the child got into a fight

If the child defended himself in a fight and fought back against the offender, you should not scold him too much for this. But when the kid got into trouble first, you should talk to him sternly and find out why this happened.

After all, sometimes even we, adults, conflict with other people who do not understand anything other than “force.” Perhaps your child was simply trying to defend his boundaries. However, you definitely need to explain to him the rules of “combat”.

What if it’s with a girl?

If your son beat a girl, you must explain to him that this cannot be done even when she is wrong. After all, the baby is probably weaker than him physically and cannot fight back.

And even if the girl is not smaller, but even larger in size than your son, this is not a reason to use your fists. Explain to your child that the ability to find verbal arguments and get out of a situation without a fight is a much more civilized way of solving a problem, which will be very useful to him in adulthood.

We punish for deception

If a child deceived you and you realized it, you should not immediately use a belt or blows to the butt. This will not meet your expectations, and the baby will most likely just get angry.

It is best to deprive the child of parental affection for lying or declare a “short-term boycott” on him. Any child will feel this punishment to the fullest.

If you decide to teach your child a lesson and limit his freedom, you can simply sit the child on a chair. Let him think about his behavior for 10 minutes: believe me, this time will be enough for him to get tired and understand where he was wrong.

We punish for theft

If your child takes something without asking, be sure to talk to him to find out what prompted him to do it. Don’t rush to scold your child for bad behavior, but rather ask what would happen if someone took away his favorite toy?

Then immediately explain: only the worst people in the world do this, those who do not value others and their feelings.

"Bad" example

In the same situation, you can show the principle of the commandment “Thou shalt not steal” in practice: hide his toy when the baby is distracted from it. When he discovers something missing, tell him that it disappeared because he himself takes other people’s things without asking.

Don't you see remorse? Secretly take his toys and things until you notice sincere regret for your behavior in his eyes.

Social demonstration

Explain to your child that children will simply stop playing with him because they will be afraid that he will steal something from them. Then other people will make fun of him, and in the end he will be sent to prison.

The last phrase applies only to raising children over 10 years old. If your child is younger, tell him that if he continues to steal, he will be put in a place where he will not be able to escape. And only villains will live there, taking things from others without permission. Believe me, he definitely won't like it.

Instructions

Don't escalate the situation. Punish in a calm state, and not in a fit of anger. Punishment is not revenge, not humiliation or resentment. Do not resort to corporal punishment unless absolutely necessary. When punishing a child, take into account the severity of his offense and his... It is almost pointless to punish children under the age of 2-2.5 years in the literal sense of the word. Here, rather, it is necessary to exclude situations that provoke the child to disobey.

At the age of 2 to 4 years, a child becomes aware of himself and begins to understand which of his actions please others and which upset or irritate. Despite the fact that understanding is already present, the ability to control one’s behavior is not yet fully formed. At this stage of life, children have a “substitute” who creates all the outrages that drive parents and loved ones crazy. This allows the child to free himself from feelings of shame, since most of what happens is not done by him, but by someone else. Talk to your baby more.

Try to believe that the child is not deceiving you, claiming that it was “the bunny from the forest who misbehaved.” The fact is that the baby still very easily confuses fantasy with reality. The parents' task is to understand why the child did this. Ask him, talk to him and help him correct the current situation. If you haven't bullied your baby and he's not afraid of your anger or judgment, he'll probably be happy to talk to you.

Do not forget that at this age children very often act contrary to their parents. And they do this not at all because they don’t want to take you into account, they just need to feel some independence, their capabilities and their limits. If you start punishing your child for this, you will start a battle in which there will be no winners. Express your dissatisfaction with the child’s behavior in an accessible way for his age, explain to him what upset you about his behavior/action.

If you see that your child is worried about a wrongdoing, do not aggravate these feelings. Try to support him. The main thing is for the child to understand that what has been done is more or less fixable, that he is human and can make mistakes. Explain to your child how to try to do it differently next time and avoid trouble. Having realized this, the child will quickly learn to be more critical of himself and his behavior. If he doesn’t understand that, for example, by forcibly taking or breaking someone else’s toy, he did something bad, you should think very seriously. It is quite possible that while raising your child, you were so afraid of upsetting him with the news that he was wrong about something, that now the child is not ready to admit it at all by doing certain things.