Oksana, 30 years old, told the site about her romance with a man who was suitable for her father.

I met Igor when I was in my second year of university. As I remember that evening now: the cold is terrible, I return from my student and run to the bus stop, scolding myself for dressing so lightly. At this time, a car stops near me, and the driver offers to give me a ride home.

I didn't even really see his face, but I was so cold that, without hesitation, I got into the car. It took about 20 minutes to get to me, and we got into a conversation. I told him that I was studying at the institute, moonlighting by private lessons. He was in real estate. We did not exchange phones, but the next morning Igor was waiting for me at the entrance, said that he liked me and he would like to get to know me better. Instead of steam, I went with him for coffee - and did not regret it. I eagerly listened to his stories from life - he seemed such an interesting interlocutor to me. And I was not at all embarrassed that my counterpart was 25 years older, but there was a feeling that I had known him for a long time.

He was divorced with two children. A boy from the first marriage, almost my age, and a girl from the second, 12 years old. He almost did not communicate with his son, and he spent every weekend with his daughter and was very attached to her.

Six months after we started dating, he introduced me to his daughter, and, unfortunately, she did not like me. His daughter saw me as a rival and in every way tried to piss me off. I did not succumb to provocations, but this greatly complicated our relationship with Igor, since he always took her side, and I was offended to see how the girl was manipulating her father and trying to embroil us. Because of her, I hesitated for a long time with the move to Igor. We came together only a year after we met, although he had been calling for a long time. His daughter was the main cause of our quarrels. It seemed to me that she was terribly spoiled, twisting ropes from her father and stupidly bred him for money, but he felt guilty in front of her and did his best to mitigate the consequences of his divorce from the girl's mother. In short, she had everything she wanted, and at the same time she did not give a penny to her father. This frankly infuriated me, but it was useless to talk about this topic with Igor, he closed his eyes to all her antics.

Otherwise, everything was fine with us. I fell head over heels in love with him, and although he did not really know how to express feelings, he reciprocated me. It was terribly interesting to me with him, it seemed that he knew everything in the world. I could, for example, suddenly start quoting Shakespeare in the original, which shocked me, before that I had no idea that he knew English. Sexually, he was also very good. Before him, I had almost no experience of close relationships, and I have never met such an attentive lover. He paid a lot of attention to my pleasure and always tried to make me feel good with him. Well, what to hide, I also began to worry much less about money. I studied on a budget, but the scholarship was not enough for anything, and my parents did not have the opportunity to help me, so from the first year I worked part-time as best I could. With Igor, the financial issue was closed, and I am very grateful to him for helping me sincerely and never reproaching me with money.

He also cooked mainly. All my culinary skills at that time were reduced to throwing dumplings into boiling water. I used to eat semi-finished products or eat in the student canteen, and with Igor I began to appreciate delicious homemade food. Over the years of his bachelor life, he learned to cook well, made awesome steaks and baked meat in the oven. With him, I gained five kilograms, but he liked it, and I didn’t worry about being overweight. A visiting woman cleaned the apartment, so that I was relieved of all everyday worries and could easily study. Our life was darkened only on weekends, when his daughter came, and we fought behind her boyfriend's back.

However, not only his daughter was not delighted with our relationship - my parents also looked at them reproachfully. Dad, when he found out that I was meeting with his peer, did not speak to me for several months, and my mother then said a very offensive phrase for me: "He is with you, because he has nothing to interest women of his age." Then I pouted and decided that she was out of envy, but now I understand what she meant. Igor was childish and did not want a serious relationship. Due to my age and my own infantilism, I did not notice this, and everything suited us both. But he could offer me nothing but easy connection and sex. He was afraid of responsibility, he no longer wanted children and family life. With me he returned to his twenty, and was incredibly happy about it. Together we went to the clubs "to extinguish the stars", as he said, had fun on the dance floor and returned home in the morning. Together with us, his married friends hung out with their young mistresses. Then in general there was a fashion for such couples: a respectable man and a young girl. Therefore, to my friends, our relationship with Igor seemed to be the norm. Someone even envied me, many dreamed of being with such a man.

We were together for three years and parted as friends. After the fifth year, I went to Germany for a year on a student program, and our relationship came to naught by itself. Igor flew to me a couple of times, but I understood that he did not fit into my new lifestyle. Then I fell in love with a classmate from Spain and honestly wrote about this to Igor, he replied that he was sorry, but I have to choose. After my return, we saw each other several times, but that was no longer the same. The spark is gone. I changed, but he remained the same, and I became uninteresting with him.

In general, now I see all its shortcomings much more clearly. When we met, his appearance did not cause me any questions, but now I understand that for his age he looked bad: overweight, circles under the eyes. Forty-year-old men in my current environment look better and more well-groomed, go in for sports, monitor nutrition. I also see that my mother was right in many ways: it is easy to interest and make happy an 18-year-old girl, and women 30-40 years old have much higher requirements for a partner, and Igor, most likely, was not really the dream of his peers. Nevertheless, I do not regret the time with him, at that moment he made me happy, and this is the main thing.

European sociologists noted that already at the beginning of our century, in every third couple that went down the aisle, the bride was older than her chosen one. And in the United States, a third of unmarried women date younger men. The reason for this is the current emancipation of women. Most often, a woman marries a man who is much younger when she is not at all interested in the material side of the relationship. As a rule, such women have found a career, are provided with housing and a stable income. Therefore, support in the person of a wealthy spouse is not so important to them. It's no secret that a modern woman can independently, without the help of a man, feed and raise children. Therefore, the basic instinct is freed from social layers, and the fair sex is attracted to young and productive representatives of the stronger sex.

Myths about "unequal" marriage
The life of such a couple is under the scrutiny of others, and there are many who wish, who devote all their free time to discussing when this union will fall apart. Public opinion is much more loyal to married couples in which the husband is much older than his wife. Therefore, a woman who decides to link her fate with a young chosen one has to go through a lot of prejudices and abandon stereotypes before she stops paying attention to the age difference. Let's try to understand the myths about “unequal” marriage that society imposes, and understand that they have nothing to do with reality.

MYTH ONE... Such a marriage is deliberately concluded by calculation.
If a man is a gigolo, it does not depend on age at all. Men of this type will not refuse to live at the expense of a woman to a ripe old age. And if the young chosen one does not have enough money to pay for dinner at an expensive restaurant, and he invites a woman to an ordinary inexpensive cafe, this does not at all make him a gigolo.

MYTH TWO. The woman will become a "mom and nanny" for him.
With a husband of any age, a woman begins to play the role of a nanny and a housewife. In this case, most likely, everything will be just the opposite: the young man will do his best to prove that he is already an adult and knows a lot about everything.

MYTH THREE... Sooner or later he will go to a young girl.
A man can live in an ordinary marriage for twenty years, and then go to the same age as his daughter. And there are many examples of this from life. No one will give guarantees for a long-term marriage. Therefore, it is better to just live with your loved one without stupid prejudices.

MYTH FOURTH. Peer marriage is the most stable.
Statistics say the opposite: about 50% of marriages of the same age break up. The reason is the sexual incompatibility of the young couple. The young wife is not yet ready for her husband's sexual activity and does not accept it. Therefore, families where the husband is 10 or more years younger than his wife do not suffer from such problems.

The advantages of such a marriage
Sexologists and psychologists argue that such "unequal" marriages have a lot of chances for stability and durability. The fact is that in such a marriage, the husband's age encourages the woman to take care of her appearance once again, besides, the libido of the young husband is at a height, which undoubtedly benefits both. On average, the peak of sexuality in women occurs by the age of 30-40, and the sexiest age of a man is 18-25 years. That is why an adult woman who has gotten to her feet often prefers a younger partner. From a sexual point of view, this is the most equal marriage, meeting the needs of both men and women. A sexually rich life is only for the benefit of a woman at any age, and older ladies having sex with their beloved young man will help them stay beautiful and healthy longer. And the most important thing is that in union with a mature woman, a man "matures" himself faster, gaining confidence and worldly wisdom. Young men who continue to live in marriage with their more mature wife have demonstrated high professional and educational growth in front of sociologists, although the wife's leadership is often retained in such families.

How to keep the relationship
There are special requirements for a woman's appearance. A young husband is a reason to constantly keep yourself in good shape, to monitor your appearance. A woman must always be at her best in order to successfully compete with young girls, therefore she tries to maintain youth and presentability as long as possible - after all, appearance is of great importance, no matter how strong love is. In no case should you put your partner in the position of a child, no matter how inexperienced he may be. You can't surround a man with overprotection. A man at any age has a need for leadership, so it is important to encourage leadership qualities, not infantilism.

If a woman begins to crush her partner with her authority, takes the reins into her own hands, then sooner or later a man will find a less demanding lover. Do not relax, because an “unequal” marriage has more chances to fall apart in the first three years of its existence. Look for the advantages of such a relationship in stable feelings, the absence of tantrums, accusations and suspicions. You should not be jealous of your partner just because he is younger, and be like twenty-year-old girls who are ready to make a scandal for the slightest reason. Remember that jealousy is enemy number one in your relationship. And don't forget that age imposes an obligation to be wiser.

It is unnecessary to tell a man about your fears, forget once and for all the phrase: "When you grow up, you leave me." You don't need to make a toy out of a man. If an adult woman reduces the whole point of marriage only to the fact that she does not skimp on financial expenses and gifts for her young husband, and in return only waits for sex, then sooner or later the man will get tired of it. Without trust, sincerity and understanding, no relationship will last long.

Examples of a happy "unequal" fight
Of course, there are happy "unequal" marriages! And there are many examples of this. Princess Elizabeth Petrovna was eighteen years older than her second husband. They lived happily twenty years in a secret marriage. Balzac and Laura de Bernie, who was twenty-two years older, have been together for a long time. At the age of seventeen, the Prophet Muhammad fell in love with the forty-year-old Khadija, his first wife, and loved her for many years, even when he had numerous younger wives. The popular singer Klavdia Shulzhenko was twelve and a half years older than her husband Georgy Epifanov. He carried this love through his whole life.

In short, if a woman is older than a man, then such a couple is doomed to a happy future and the severity of disagreements at the same time, like any other couple. In fact, you should not pay attention to age, because human years are just numbers. And the age is judged by the state of the soul and the way of life. Therefore, look for a person who will become a faithful and reliable support in life, will delight the soul and the eye, will be able to share one life for two. And let your age difference be big or small, or maybe it just won't be, because the most important thing is love. And as you know, all ages are submissive to love! Where there is this bright feeling and desire to be together, there will be no reason for quarrels and partings.

The tradition of marrying a girl to a man who is much older than her dates back several centuries. Then it was believed that a big age difference would indicate a long and strong marriage, and a woman, thanks to her older spouse, would feel like she was behind a stone wall. But times are changing. Increasingly, you can find a couple where the older is not a man, but a woman. Last time I touched on the negative aspects of a relationship in which a woman is older. But there are many good things that I have not mentioned ...

What are the positive features of a union in which the girl is older?

The presence of a young man will certainly encourage a woman to take care of herself even better and better, choose stylish clothes and shoes for herself, do anti-aging procedures, give up bad habits, and go in for sports. Any woman understands that a young man needs to correspond, otherwise he can easily be taken away. A man, in turn, will strive to look his best, because next to a beautiful girl he will need to look dignified.

Paired with a more mature woman, it is easier for a man to realize himself in life, since his chosen one has more life experience, she is more serious and in many issues more perspicacious than him. The female sex begins to mature psychologically before the male sex, because in order to continue the human race, nature has endowed women with mental invulnerability and moral stability. Only next to a strong woman does a young man become truly courageous. A woman is able to give advice, warn her partner against mistakes and wrong steps due to her greater life experience. She will be able to warn the relationship from unnecessary scandals.

No matter how strange it may sound, a man is subconsciously tuned in to a relationship with a more mature woman. Remember, from childhood a man is brought up by women: mother, grandmothers, aunts, sisters; later they are nannies and educators in kindergarten and teachers at school. Therefore, it will be much easier for him to build relationships with an adult woman.

As a rule, women only come to understand their true destiny over the years. In their youth, many girls like to live in an atmosphere of idleness and entertainment, but as they age, they increasingly gravitate towards family life. An older woman better monitors the cleanliness and aesthetic beauty of her home, she is more skilled in the culinary field and approaches the process of planning and raising children with greater responsibility. Over the years, the girl becomes more feminine. She will be able to organize the comfort and coziness that he needs so much for a young man. Namely, due to the absence of the latter, young couples break up.

Star couples, where the woman is older:

A couple where the girl is older will have the highest sexual compatibility. Sexologists have long noted that the peak of female sexuality occurs at about 27-30 years old, and male sexuality - at 21-23. His energy and ability to recuperate quickly goes well with her experience. Thus, both partners will be able to receive maximum sexual satisfaction on a regular basis.

And at the end of this big topic, I would like to address couples where the partner is older:

1. Ignore public opinion. When a man is younger than a woman is a common occurrence in our time. Don't worry about how your friends and family will react. The main thing is that you are in love and are loved and it is good for you to be together.

2. Teach each other. The age difference is only beneficial to both parties. You can give your young partner a life experience, with you he will have a better chance of achieving high career results. And he, in turn, will charge you with energy and introduce you to new trends in the modern world that you cannot learn from a man of the older generation.

3. Don't be jealous of your young partner. Jealousy arises from self-doubt. When a man is younger than a woman, there is room for constant suspicion. However, he chose you, which means that he needs you and only you. But at the same time, do not give him complete freedom, go to various events together.

4. Feel the lightness of the relationship. If a man is younger, he is not inclined to reproach you, instruct and limit your actions. He has a simpler attitude towards life, so you will have more fun. Plus, you will feel more confident and perfect around your boyfriend.

5. Don't be afraid to build a serious relationship. According to statistics, 53% of marriages in which the husband and wife are the same age break up after 2-3 years. The average duration of marriages where a man is younger than a woman is 12-16 years. But many couples live together for 20 and 25 years.

6. Enjoy your sexual relationship. Youth and experience combined will bring you many pleasant moments.

Many unions in which the girl is older than the young man lead to weddings and long, happy family relationships. Cast aside all doubts and love your soul mate, even if she is much younger or older than you. Do not pay attention to other people's opinions, as this is your life, and you should live it the way you want it.

Unequal marriage when a woman is older than a man

Unequal marriage when a woman is older than a man... Often the reasons when a man chooses an older woman are different - maybe because of a previous similar experience, and then mercantile interests. He may need another "mother" to take care of him. A woman in such a relationship has a clear idea of ​​what she wants from this person. He could be the outlet for her feelings and life. If she wants to change her life: choose a new style of clothing, listen to different music, catch up with new trends - the young husband gives a chance to do it.

MYTH TWO. The woman will become a "mom and nanny" for him.
With a husband of any age, a woman begins to play the role of a nanny and a housewife. In this case, most likely, everything will be just the opposite: the young man will do his best to prove that he is already an adult and knows a lot about everything.

MYTH THREE... Sooner or later he will go to a young girl.
A man can live in an ordinary marriage for twenty years, and then go to the same age as his daughter. And there are many examples of this from life. No one will give guarantees for a long-term marriage. Therefore, it is better to just live with your loved one without stupid prejudices.

And at the same time, despite the negative attitude towards them, the number of marriages in which the wife's age is 10 or more years higher than the age of her chosen one is growing every year. So, in Moscow, out of 60 thousand annually concluded marriages, about 5 thousand - 9% - are unions with an age difference of 7 or more years in the direction of the bride. And just over a thousand registered unions are characterized by an age gap of 10 years or more. According to Moscow sociologists, five times more such unions are not registered and exist in the form of the so-called. "Civil" marriages.

It must be said that the number of such unions is constantly growing - by 0.2% per year! In major US cities, this figure has already reached 12% and continues to grow! Psychologists say that there is and is progressing a fashion for marriage of different ages: the main trend of this fashion is unions of forty-year-old men with young women, but forty-year-old women also actively unite with young people, even if not 20 years old, but 25-30 years old.

Psychotherapists and sexologists, having discovered a sharp increase in the marriages of non-young women with young men, enthusiastically began to research these young representatives of the stronger sex. Who are they? What makes them refuse communication and sex with their young and pretty peers and enter into an alliance with a woman 35-40 years old? What makes them go against literally their entire environment: friends, family, work colleagues? What makes you voluntarily turn yourself into an object of ridicule? These studies brought unusually interesting results, especially since they were carried out using the most modern methods: the so-called. "Projective" tests, hypnotic immersion and "truth serum". What do we know about young husbands of older wives
For many young men, one of the most important (if not the most important!) Factor in marrying a woman 10 or more years older than theirs is the so-called "unusual cadet syndrome" or, as Frank Pitman calls it, "syndrome non-standard cadet ". This term was formed back in the 80s in relation to completely different men and other circumstances. In the early 1980s, American military psychologists discovered that about a fifth of the cadets in American and British military schools were significantly different from all the rest. They, these young men, come from intelligent families far from military interests, they have finished school well or have already studied at the university. And suddenly, unexpectedly for everyone, contrary to the persuasions of their parents and friends, they enter a military school or volunteer for the army.

Deep psychological studies of such young men, including surveys in hypnotic immersion, conducted in the USA and Great Britain, showed that they vaguely feel in themselves impulses, the desire to use alcohol, drugs, promiscuous sex life, to spend time aimlessly. Let me emphasize: these young people are not yet drunkards, and not drug addicts, and not revelers, and not loafers, but they already feel that they can become them, that they are drawn to this. And fleeing these inner impulses, they run into the army, where discipline, form, the whole atmosphere of military life, they hope, will save them from "falling into the abyss."

And at the end of this big topic, I would like to address couples where the partner is older:

1. Ignore public opinion. When a man is younger than a woman is a common occurrence in our time. Don't worry about how your friends and family will react. The main thing is that you are in love and are loved and it is good for you to be together.

It is not surprising that young men are attracted by such ladies, and not their peers. For a woman at any age, a sexually rich life is only beneficial, and for older ladies, having sex with her beloved young man will help to stay beautiful and healthy longer.

An aged man worries about an erection and how his heart will withstand a volcano of passions in bed with a young girl. There are no such problems with young people. Even if nothing comes of "unequal" relationships, then a wise woman will treat them as a pleasant, bright adventure in her life.

Doomed love?

Of course, the simplest thing that comes to mind: a man is looking for a mother in such a woman. And how convenient! She is already wise enough not to exhaust the nerves of her half with insatiable empty "khachukhs". Moreover, for the most part, men who want to become successful in any area strive for such relationships. And, apparently, their calculation is based on the fact that there is no time for empty relationships, but a woman partner is needed.

2011-08-18 09:17:17

There are a few more points. His ex-wife was 4 years older. There is a child, 15 years old (my beloved's marriage was very early). After the divorce, my MCH lived with a girl 5 years younger than him. Now he says that it was a huge mistake, since he cheated on himself, he always liked older women. He is a very smart, reasonable, calm person. The greatest value in relationships for him is respect, understanding, the ability to find compromises, sound reasoning. And if there is still love, then there is no point in dreaming about more. This is all that is present in our relationship with him.
Elena, you are absolutely right to be well-groomed. I will add that a woman should be well-groomed and self-responsible at any age. Now I can say that I look great. Even at 20, I was not the same as now. My former classmates do not recognize me))) Well, let everything go as it goes, time will tell. In the meantime, we are insanely good together !!!

2011-08-18 04:04:52

Lutik, in my opinion, your age difference is not so great, and further with age it will only fade even more. I don't understand your fears.
(P. S. my husband is 4 years younger than me - the difference is less, of course, than yours, but the question of age never arises at all. And you do not raise him. And then everything will be fine. Just do not forget to follow yourself to always look younger than your age!))))

2011-08-17 17:07:05

lawina: belladonna writes: It was. did not work out. the difference was 17 years. I have always been attracted to men older than me. I'm more interested in them. Well, as Olcha wrote, Olyushkin writes: quote: intelligence, independence, experience, the absence of foolishness did not work out not because of the age difference. a man in himself is indecisive all his life and when he began to look after me, he did not calculate his strength, but in general, if it is so purely practical to think, then for me 17 years of difference is still a bit too much. but 7-12 years or so - the most tsimes. although I do not promise and am convinced that everything depends on the personal qualities of a particular man. Oh, just like mine was! The biggest difference is 19 years. The man retreated first - he was afraid for his health and * what his mother would say * (his mother). The difference with her husband is 8 years, he is older. But older only by passport.

Secret: So it turns out that all my long-term relationships with men younger .... With the first boyfriend, the difference is 2 years, dated for 5 years ... the difference with my husband is 2 years, lived for five years, of which legally married for 3 years .... Now the difference is 5 years ... . was very afraid…. there were doubts…. but expecting a child from him…. we establish relations… .. the main desire to understand each other and accept! And so the situations are different! And zapuuuutannye ... fih you will figure it out!

belladonna: lawina writes: Oh, just like mine! The biggest difference is 19 years. The man retreated first - he was afraid for his health and * what his mother would say * (his mother). good boy, obedient :) but mine was just afraid to change his life - the moment came when our burden lasted almost 6 years and it was necessary to solve something. and was left now with nothing. and I was so worried about what my mother would say - I made all the bridges with her.

Often, the "first time" for both men and women happens with a partner in older, sometimes much... This is easy to explain. Experienced people inspire confidence with their knowledge and confidence. By the way, American sexologists, based on psychological tests and interviews of young virgins, have compiled a "portrait of an ideal deflorator." This is by no means a timid 17-year-old boy. This is a man of about 32 years old, experienced, independent, discreet and caring. He knows how to please a woman and belongs to the sexual-psychological type "man-father".

At the age of 40, both sexes undergo major physiological changes. However, they do not in the least interfere with either one or the other to indulge in love joys. According to experts, menopause does not kill sexuality, but on the contrary, it can even enhance it. The woman is liberated, she ceases to be afraid of pregnancy, while the orgasm manifests itself brighter than before.

But the fourth part of “ex-husbands” was characterized by a rather high level of adaptation, much higher than before entering into a marriage of different ages.

Although the condemnation of others was an important motive for the breakdown of marriages, which we are talking about, the attitude of the inner circle and colleagues at work towards “ex-husbands” has not changed; A group of psychologists from Philadelphia, led by Michael Webb, who studied this issue (this city ranks first in the world in the number of age-related marriages - towards women), found that even three to five years after the collapse of their union, discrimination against these young people did not stop. They were still considered infantile, dependent, in need of care, and those around them manifested these attitudes in a variety of everyday actions. According to this researcher, any kind of long-term marital union - three years or more - with a significantly older woman spoils both the psychological and business reputation of a young man for twenty years or more. Michael Webb advises young people to move to another city after the breakup of such a marriage: in this case, the experience gained in marriage will "work" for the client, and his reputation will not suffer - the new environment will know that he was married, but com - will not know.

It is unnecessary to tell a man about your fears, forget once and for all the phrase: "When you grow up, you leave me." You don't need to make a toy out of a man. If an adult woman reduces the whole point of marriage only to the fact that she does not skimp on financial expenses and gifts for her young husband, and in return only waits for sex, then sooner or later the man will get tired of it. Without trust, sincerity and understanding, no relationship will last long.

from the ability and skill of an older partner

gradually rebuild relationships, make them

more and more equal, partnerships, adults.

Technically, this is very easy to achieve. After being together for six months or a year, one day tell your much younger partner the following: “You know, dear (s), at first I perceived you just like a child ... And, it turns out, you can be quite an adult (oh)! Actually, you are already an adult ... So, from now on, let's build a completely equal relationship. In our love, you and I must be absolutely equal in everything! We are starting a new era from tomorrow! " You know how the heart of your young man or your girlfriend will happily beat from these words! What grateful eyes they will look at you! And they will respect you even more and love you even more ... Remember:

We always grow up exclusively outside of our own

parental home, in communication with anyone other than their parents. Therefore, we always want to communicate with older people.

Second husband Audrey Hepburn became an Italian playboy and psychoanalyst Andrea Dotti - he was 9 years younger than her. Having survived a divorce from Andrea, the actress spent the rest of her life with the dearly loved Robert Walders, who was seven years younger than Audrey.

TEXT: Vladimir Kulikov

Under the cerebral cortex, we have it written that only peers of the same age can marry. Therefore, when we see a couple of different ages, it seems unnatural and surprising. There are families where a man is 10, 20, or even 30 years older than a woman, and there are not so few of them.

Let's try to understand where these exceptions come from. Let's start with female psychology.

Women are divided into three groups according to their behavior in marriage:

1. The "wife" is the most common type of woman in marriage. Such women tend to marry their peers. In marriage, they behave like equal partners.
2. "Mother". Such a woman in marriage often has a leading position. The spouse in such a marriage plays a less significant role. A woman-mother often takes care of, decides, controls. In such families, it is not uncommon for a man to be younger than a woman.
3. "Daughter". A woman-daughter chooses a person who is much more experienced and, accordingly, older than herself as her companion in life. The reason is the need for custody, protection and patronage.

A man is 10 years older

A woman develops faster by nature. And it turns out that peers do not meet either the psychological or intellectual needs of girls.

Therefore, they like men much older. Girls in their twenties are interested in young men in their thirties. They are drawn to them for experience, intelligence, maturity.

Such a couple can hardly be called peers, but they are both representatives of the same generation. They share music, movies and heroes. In this pair, the man is a more experienced partner, he knows a lot and much better.

Such couples are not uncommon in society and are not surprising. In the traditions of the past, the age difference of 10 years was considered the reference.

A man is 20 years or more older

Such a man will be chosen as her husband by a woman who largely needs protection, support, patronage.

Definitely, this is a woman daughter who in adulthood still feels like a child, weak and defenseless. Perhaps the feeling of insecurity was born in childhood, especially if there was no father in the family. Latently, the "little girl" is looking for this strong image in a man - the image of a father. Therefore, a man 15, 20, or even 30 years older will attract her.

Common factors in choosing a relationship with an older man

• Personal and financial solvency.

A man of forty or more years already has financial well-being, a successful career and material well-being. With such a man, it is initially comfortable to start a family life. A woman realizes that a well-to-do, serious adult man can fully guarantee a stable, serious marriage in which children can be safely planned.

• Marriage readiness, maturity.

A man 15 years or more older is attracted by his serious attitude to life and marriage. He appreciates more family comfort and all the preferences of the family as such. Such men are wiser, they have previous experience of personal relationships. They are capable of compromises.

• Ability to look after beautifully.

If a man is much older, he is more experienced in dealing with women. Knows how to make something pleasant, what gifts and flowers to give.

• High social status.

There are also cases when women choose a husband much older than themselves, focusing on his professional and life success. For example, young actresses marry older, venerable directors. Nurses are for famous surgeons, and so on.

Here the image of a spouse is idealized due to his high objective assessment. A man as a luminary of science or art is attractive precisely for this. A person who has earned the honor and respect of a huge number of people evokes respect and interest. The authority of such a husband for a wife is enormous. As well as admiration for his professional skills.

Relationships with an older man promise help for a young woman in her own career or work.

• Feeling secure

By marrying an older man, a woman feels herself under the tutelage and patronage. Almost 100% of the leader in such a union will be a man. It will be responsible for decision making and leadership. This is very appealing to the pronounced "daughter" type women, who are afraid to be decisive and adults.

There are significant disadvantages to marriages where the husband is older than his wife.

• Difference of interests

The obvious gap in interests is becoming one of the main problems. This is due to the fact that if a man is 13 years older, the husband and wife are people of different generations. Each of them grew up on different music, different fairy tales, read different literature. In adulthood, they form a different social circle according to their age.

At the initial stage of family relationships, this is imperceptible. The couple are passionate about their passion. A few years later, when the first flair of love passes, these problems appear in almost every family of different ages. They find it difficult and bored with each other.

• Physiological (sexual) problems

If at 20 years old a wife quite normally perceives the difference with her husband at 20 or more years, then after 10 years this difference can turn into a problem.

A 30-year-old woman at her peak and a 50-year-old man in the process of sexual decline: how can they be fully together? The sexual appetites of a young woman and the desire for peace in a 50-year-old husband create conflicts in the family.

• Different energetics

This is directly related to age. A young partner longs for development, growth, movement, while the other is already tired of the race in life and, on the contrary, is looking for a safe haven and peace.

It turns out that the young wife, by her forty, has built a successful career, is full of energy and positive, and her elderly husband is already a pensioner who prefers a sofa and a book. The different rhythm of two people is a threat to such a marriage.

It is good if the adult spouse is active and active to match the young spouse. In this case, the marriage will be lasting.

• Premature aging

It is noticed that a young wife next to her older husband is getting older purely visually and internally. They seem to be changing with energy. She gives him youth, and he gives her maturity. A young wife with an adult husband becomes calmer, slower, more sedate.

• Jealousy

In such a relationship, there is almost always a place for jealousy. Unequal positions of both lead to the emergence of distrust, neurosis. An elderly spouse may be jealous of a young spouse, realistically assessing his and her sexual needs.

• Unequal marriage. Rejection of relationships by relatives, friends and society at large.

The family of a young girl will dissuade from such a marriage, emphasizing the increasing age difference over time. Friends of an adult man will suspect the young spouse of self-interest.

• The past of a man

Another disadvantage in a relationship with an adult man is his past. As a rule, behind the shoulders of a man is an unsuccessful marriage and, possibly, children. This relationship will not disappear without a trace from his life. The young wife will have to come to terms with the fact that the ex-wife and children from the previous marriage will constantly emerge in their family life. And this is a difficult burden.

To create normal intrafamily relations from a young spouse, a great deal of wisdom, tact and patience will be required.

Why do men marry young women?

• Increasing self-esteem in one's own eyes and in the eyes of society.

A man who has married a woman much younger than himself thus proves his worth in many areas of life, for example, in sex, in social status. A young wife nearby is proof of a man's success.

• The ability to cheat age, become younger.

With a young wife, a man feels much younger. He begins to monitor his health and appearance in order to match his wife. He has an influx of energy and positiveness.

• Raising the perfect wife.

An adult man, as a rule, already has experience of family life and divorce. His attitude to the female sex was formed under the yoke of negative personal experience, where a woman acted as an irritant and a source of problems. In this regard, a man is pessimistic about his peers, considering them already formed personalities with whom it is not easy to find a common language and build good relationships.

With a young girl, everything is much easier. The character is not fully formed, the young diva looks at an experienced man with undisguised delight and admiration. In such a pair, a man feels more confident and stronger. He plays a leading role. He takes care of, patronizes, manages, teaches.

Still, many men, marrying a young girl, idealize the upcoming marriage and see in their spouse only a kind, caring hostess who will constantly bother at the family nest.

Sometimes such men hardly see in their wife a mature adult person who needs a career and their own separate life.

Having described all the pros and cons of a relationship with an older man, it should be noted that there are plenty of examples around us where a man is much older than his wife.

Here are some of the famous couples:

• Lydia Tsirgvava and singer Alexander Vertinsky. The age difference is 34 years. In marriage, 2 daughters were born and raised: wonderful actresses Marianna and Anastasia Vertinsky.
• Director Oleg Tabakov and actress Marina Zudina. The age difference is 30 years. Married for over 20 years, two children: Maria and Pavel.
• Director Andrei Konchalovsky and actress, TV presenter Yulia Vysotskaya. The age difference is 36 years. Together for over 20 years. Two children were born in the marriage: Mary and Peter.
• Hollywood actors Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. The age difference is 25 years. They are raising two children: 12-year-old Carey and 15-year-old Dylan. Together for over 15 years.
• Fashion designer Roberto Cavalli and model Lina Nilson. The age difference is 47 years. Together for over 6 years.
• Directed by Woody Allen and Sun-I-Previn. The age difference is 35 years! The couple have been happy together for many years and are raising 2 children.
• Singer Alexander Gradsky and Marina Kotashenko. The age difference is 32 years. Together for 12 years, and last year the couple had a son, Alexander.

All of the above couples have proven their love over time.

And how many examples of new unions, where husbands suit their wives as fathers, or even grandfathers. Only time will tell how strong such an amazing relationship turned out to be:

• Armen Dzhigarkhanyan and Vitalina Tsymbalyuk-Romanovskaya (age difference - 45 years)
• Ivan Krasko and Natalia Shevel (age difference - 60 years)
• Bari Alibasov and Victoria Maksimova (age difference - 40 years)

Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin wrote back in the nineteenth century: "All ages are submissive to love ...". Centuries succeed each other, but love remains. Only mutual respect, tact and wisdom will help keep this feeling for years.

And the age difference is just numbers. Let them remain with them, on paper!