Excessive and unfounded expectations of an abusive man in themselves ensure that his partner will never be able to follow all of his rules and fulfill all his demands. As a result, he often gets angry or enraged. This dynamic was recently illustrated on a talk show by a young man with whom they discussed his cruelty towards his ex-wife. He said that his definition of a good relationship is: "Never argue and say that you love each other every day." He told the audience that his wife "deserved" the mistreatment as she did not live up to this unrealistic way. There is no point in sending this young man or any other abusive man to an anger management program, as his position of empowerment will simply generate more and more anger. It is necessary to change his position in life.

Reality # 3: He turns everything inside out.Emil, my client who used physical violence, told me the story of the worst case of assaulting his wife: “One day Tanya went too far with her words, and I got so angry that I grabbed her by the throat and pushed her against the wall.” In a voice full of indignation, he said, “Then she tried to knee me in the groin! How do you like it ?? Of course I was pissed off. And when I waved my hand down, my nails left a deep scratch on her face. What did she expect? "

QUESTION 4: WHY DOES HE SAY THAT IT'S I'M TREATING HIM?

The perceptual system of the abusive man, with its high perceived powers, generates a reversal of aggression and self-defense. He defined Tanya's attempt to defend himself as violence against myself... He regarded the infliction of bodily harm on her as self-defense against hercruelty. Through the prism of unlimited powers that a cruel man always holds before his eyes, everything looks upside down, like a reflection in a spoon.

Another client, Wendell, describes an incident where he ran away from home by loudly slamming the door. “Aisha has been nagging me for hours. There is a limit to my patience to listen to her claims and talk about how bad I am. Yesterday she started up again, and in the end I called her a bitch and left the house. " - "And what was Aisha upset about?" - "I do not know. When she starts her hurdy-gurdy, I just switch off. " A few days later, I spoke with Aisha. She said that she really yelled at Wendell for 5-10 minutes. However, he forgot to tell me that he insulted her in the morning: “He suppresses me in arguments; it repeats itself like a worn-out record, and I'm lucky if I can put in a word. And his tongue is terrible - he called me a bitch a dozen times that day. " She could not stand it and began to defend herself furiously, and then he went into the night.

Why did Wendell think it was Aisha who was screaming and making claims to him ?? Because in his understanding she should listen, not speak... The fact that she speaks at all is too much! ..

When I urge my clients not to bully their wives, they turn my words inside out, just like the words of their partners. They accuse me of saying things that have nothing to do with the words I said. One said to me: “Do you think I should let her wipe her feet on me? So they can do whatever they want with us, but we can't lift a finger? " - because his partner told him that she was fed up with the fact that his friends were doing bad things in the house and he had to "clean up this damn trash." He continued, "Your approach is all she does - good because she is a woman, and since I'm a man, stricter rules apply to me!" This is in response to what I pointed out to hisdouble standards and urged him to live by the same rules that he applies to her.

The abusive man has another reason to exaggerate and ridicule what his partner (and mine) is saying: he wants to avoid having to seriously think about what she is saying, to internalize it. He feels entitled to swat her like a fly.

Reality # 4: He doesn't respect his partner and thinks he is taller than her.

Sheldon was referred to me because he violated a restrictive court order. He insists that he has never been violent or intimidated by Kelly. Now he is trying to get custody of his 3-year-old daughter Ashley. He states that Kelly has never looked after the baby since he was born and "has never been close to her." "I do not consider her to be Ashley's mother, she is just a vessel, a channel through which Ashley came into this world."

Kelly in Sheldon's mind is an inanimate object, a baby-making machine. He lifts his chin as he speaks of her, his face in arrogant contempt. But he never looks upset - who is Kelly to be annoying? His condescending tone speaks of his complete confidence in his superiority over Kelly.

This is a common stereotype for abusive men. They tend to see their partner as less intelligent, less competent, less logical and even less sensitiveand compassionatethan he is. It is often difficult for him to perceive her as a human being. This trend is known as objectificationor depersonalization... The verbal attacks of most abusive men are aimed at demeaning. They use words that they know most offend women: "bitch," "whore," or "bitch," often given the epithet "fat." My clients' partners have told me that they feel such words as physical abuse. Through insults - and my clients sometimes admit to using the most derogatory words they can think of - abusive men make their partners feel both humiliated and insecure.

Objectification is the main reason why a violent person tends to become more violent over time.... When his mind adjusts to one level of cruelty or violence, he builds the next. By depersonalizing his partner, he protects himself from the natural human emotions of guilt and compassion so that he can sleep peacefully through the night with a clear conscience. He distances himself from her humanity so far that her feelings cease to be counted or simply cease to exist. After a few years, my clients reach the point in their relationship with their partner where they feel no more guilt about humiliation or threats against her than you or I, kicking a stone in the road out of anger.

Abuse and respect are on opposite sides of the range of relationships: you don't respect the one you abuse, and you don't abuse those you respect.

Reality # 5: He confuses love with crueltyHere's what I often hear from my clients:

- The reason for my abuse is that I have very strong feelings for her. We hurt most of all those whom we love the most.

“No one can upset me more than she.

“I told her not to even try to get away from me. You can't imagine how much I love her!

- I was disgusted to see how she ruined her life. I am too worried about her to calmly look at it and do nothing.

Abusive men often try to convince their partner that their mistreatment of her proves the strength of their feelings, but cruelty is the opposite of love. The more violent a man treats you, the more he demonstrates that he only cares about himself. He can feel a very strong desire. receiveyour love and care, but to givehe wants them for you only when it is convenient for him.

So is he lying when he says he loves you? How to say. Most of my clients have a powerful attraction that they call love. For many of them, this is the only feeling for a partner that they have ever experienced, so they have no way to understand that this is not love. When an abusive man experiences this, he is more likely to feel:

♦ desire that you devote your life to his happiness, without any external hindrances;

♦ desire to possess you sexually;

♦ a desire to impress others by becoming his partner;

♦ desire to control you.

He may love you quite sincerely, but first of all he needs to radically reorient his point of view in order to separate abuse and possessiveness from real care and get the ability to truly seeyou.

Mixing love with cruelty is precisely what allows the killers of their partners to claim that they were driven by a strong feeling of love. Unfortunately, the media too often takes the aggressor's point of view on these acts, describing them as “crimes of passion”. Really? If the mother kills the child, will we accept the claim that she did so because she was overwhelmed with a sense of care? In no case. And they shouldn't. Sincere love implies respecting the dignity of another person, wanting to be well with him, and supporting the self-esteem and independence of the loved one. Such love is incompatible with cruelty and violence.

Reality # 6: He's manipulative

Consider the interactions between David and Joanne:

♦ David yells at Joanne and pokes his finger at her, blushing. Joanne tells him that he is too angry and she doesn't like it. It's even louder: “I'm not angry. I'm just trying to get through to you, and you're not listening! Don't tell me how I feel, I hate it! You are not inside me! "

♦ Joanne once told David that his outbursts got her and she needed a break from their relationship. David: “So you don't love me anymore. I'm not sure if you ever loved me at all. You don’t even realize how strong my feelings for you are. ” He seems to be crying now. Joanne begins to convince David that she is not leaving him, and - her complaints about his behavior are lost in a reshuffled situation ...

♦ Joanne states that she wants to return to school. David: “We can't afford it,” and refuses to look after the children when she studies. Joanne offers many options for dealing with money and childcare. In each of them, David finds something inappropriate. In the end, Joanne decides that it is impossible for her to continue her education, but David insists that he did not try to dissuade her from doing so. She is left with the opinion that the decision not to continue her education is her own.

Few abusive individuals rely entirely on verbal abuse or intimidation from their partners. It takes too much strength to be endlessly threatening, and at the same time a man does not arouse sympathy for himself. If he is abusive all the time, the partner begins to realize that he is being abused, and this can make him feel too guilty about his behavior. Therefore, the abusive man tends to switch to manipulating his partner to get what he wants. He may sometimes use this tactic to simply frustrate or confuse her.

Here are some signs of being manipulated by an abusive man:

♦ Sudden and frequent mood swingswhich makes it difficult for you to tell how he is and how he feels, and this constantly throws you out of balance. His feelings towards youespecially changeable.

♦ Denial of obvious things about what he thinks or feels.He will speak to you in a voice shaking with anger, or he will blame you for creating the problem, or he will pout and then deny it by looking you in the eye. You know it isn't - and he knows! - but refuses to admit it, which can drive you to white heat. He may then call you insane if you are so upset about his denial.

♦ He convinces you that he is forcing you to do what is in your best interest.In this way, he can achieve what his egoism will look like nobility. A neat trick! There will be a lot of water leaks before you understand what his true motives were.

♦ He makes you sympathize with him,so you lose the urge to insist on what he does.

♦ He makes you blame yourself or others for what he does.

♦ He uses obfuscation tactics in arguments.by subtly or openly changing the subject, insisting that you are thinking or feeling something that you do not really think or feel, turning your words inside out, and using a host of other tricks that, like a spider web, entangle your brain. After an argument, it may seem like you are losing your mind.

♦ He lies or misguides your thoughts about his actions, desires, or reasons for why he does certain things.to make you do what he wants. Women very often complain about the lies of their partners, this lie is a form of psychological cruelty, and very destructive.

♦ He pits you and the people dear to you against each other,giving out secrets, being rude to your friends, telling people lies about what you allegedly said about them, etc.

Manipulation can be worse than overt cruelty - especially when they go together. When a woman is called a "bitch" or is pushed and slapped in the face, at least she knows what has been done to her. However, when manipulated, she may not understand what is happening. She just feels terrible - as if she is going crazy, and for some reason it seems to her that she herself is to blame.

Reality # 7: He tries to maintain a good image.You can spend a lot of time trying to figure out what's wrong to youinstead of thinking what is wrong with him... If he gets along well with others and makes a good impression on them with his generosity, sense of humor, and friendliness, you may go crazy with the thought, “What is it about me that pisses him off? Other people seem to think he's great. "

QUESTION 5: HOW DOES EVERYONE ELSE THINK THINK HE WONDERFUL?

Many abusive men put on a mask of charm in public, creating a dramatic difference between their public image and the way they treat their women and children in private. He might be:

♦ furious at home, but calm and smiling outside the home;

♦ selfish and self-centered with you, but generous and willing to help with others;

♦ overwhelming at home and willing to negotiate and compromise elsewhere;

♦ demonstrate an extremely negative attitude towards women at home, but loudly support equality if someone else hears it;

♦ be violent with a partner or children, but do without violence and threats with others;

♦ take a position of inflated authority in the house, but criticize men who do not respect women and attack them.

The pain from such contrasts can corrode a woman's mind. In the morning, her husband greatly offended her, calling her "stupid fat cow", and a few hours later she sees him laughing, talking with neighbors, and helping them fix the car. Later, a neighbor will tell her: “Your husband is so nice. You're in luck with him - many men never do what he does. " “Yes, yes,” she mutters in perplexity. Returning home, she asks herself over and over again: "Why is he doing this to me?"

Do abusive men have a split personality?

In principle, no. They are interested in control and power, and part of their efforts in this direction is to create an attractive image in public. The charm of abusive men discourages their partners from asking for support and help, as the woman feels that people will find her revelations implausible and will blame her. If friends accidentally overheard him say something offensive, or the police have arrested him for assault, his previous efforts to please people become the basis for exonerating him from responsibility. Observers think, “He's such a nice guy, he just can't be aggressive. She must have really hurt him. "

The great guy face worn by violent individuals helps them feel right. My clients say, “I get along with everyone but her. Ask about me - everyone will say that I am a calm, sane person. it shegoes into a tailspin ”. At the same time, he uses the problems that arise in her relationships with other people, and many of them can be created by him himself as additional proof that it is she who is a person with problems.

As a consultant, I struggled to resist the charm of violent individuals. When they chat and laugh in class, their rudeness and selfishness seem to disappear. I often wonder the same thing that the neighbors are surprised at: can this guy be disgusting? And even after he admits that he can, into this stillhard to believe. This contrast is a key reason why abusive men can continue to do what they do with impunity.

My clients included doctors, including two surgeons, a host of businessmen including owners and directors of large companies, about a dozen professors, several lawyers, a famous - and with a very soft and pleasant voice - radio host, clergymen, and two very famous athletes. One of my clients has volunteered in the free kitchen every Thanksgiving for 10 years. Another was an employee of a large human rights organization. Who would have believed that these people are capable of such cruelty and destruction!

These men diligently hide their cruel side from the outside world, but there is one situation in which they give themselves away: when someone opposes their cruelty and takes the side of the offended woman. Suddenly, the attitude towards things and the techniques that they usually save for the house burst out. The vast majority of women who report being abused are telling the truth. I know this is true, as abusive men put their shield down with me, exposing their false denials.

Reality # 8: He considers his actions to be justified

A few years ago, one of my clients said, "I am here because I am beating my wife." I was impressed with the way he understands his problem. However, the next week he softened his words to "I am here because I am mistreating my wife." And a week later I heard: "My wife thinks that I treat her cruelly, so I got here." After a few weeks, he stopped coming, making himself comfortable through self-justification.

Abusive individuals externally take responsibility for their own actions by reassuring themselves that their partner is forcing them to behave abusively. Each of my clients predictably used one of the following ideas:

“She knows how to piss me off.

“She wants me to explode, and she knows how to do it.

“She's gone too far.

- Human patience is not unlimited.

“Did you expect me to let her trample me? What would you do if you were me?

Many clients express guilt and remorse when they first come for a consultation, but it is worth putting pressure on them to look at the history of their behavior, as they go into deaf defense. They don't need to say, “I know I did something wrong,” but when I ask them to describe their verbal and physical attacks in detail, they return to the position that these actions are justified.

Abusive men are masters of self-justification! In this respect, they resemble alcoholics and drug addicts who believe that everyone and everything is to blame for their actions, except for themselves. If they don't blame their partners, they blame stress, alcohol, a difficult childhood, their children, their boss, or their lack of confidence in the future. Moreover, they consider themselves has the rightmake excuses. When I tell them that other men under the same circumstances do not resort to violence, they tend to become angry or show contempt.

Does this mean that abusive men are psychopaths who lack shame and conscience? In the usual case, no, although I have had a small number of cases (about 5% of clients) that were like this. Most violent personalities there isconscience when it comes to their behavior outside the family. They are ready to take responsibility for their actions at work, in the club or on the street. However, their position of high powers prevails in the house.

The abusive man is usually confident that he can blame his partner for anymistakes and failures, not only in their own cruelty. Has he just experienced a disappointment? This is because of her. Is he confused about his mistake? She had to prevent it. Is your child having a difficult period? She's a bad mother. Someone else is to blame for everything, and that other is usually her.

Reality # 9: Abusive individuals deny or downplay their cruelty

I happen to work in litigation against perpetrators of domestic violence or child abuse. Judicial officials often declare: “So, she accuses him of ill-treatment, but he denies everything,” and they refuse the trial, as if the man's denial of the accusations closes the case! Or, "He says she does the same to him, so I think they are abusing each other." This kind of male denial and cross-accusation says nothing about how true the woman's accusation against him is. If a man is cruel, he necessarilywill deny it, partly to protect himself, partly because his perception is distorted. If he were willing to take responsibility for his actions with a partner, he would not be a cruel person.... Breaking through denial and belittling is one of the primary tasks of an abuse counselor. Most of the men in my groups acknowledge some violent behavior - although of course they do not consider it violent - but only reveal a small fraction of what they actually do, as I learn from conversations with their partners.

When an abusive man denies an incident right after it happened, his partner's head can go spinning. Imagine a woman who wakes up in the morning feeling that she is turned from the heart by a hideous scene that happened the night before. Her partner contorts his face when he sees her in the kitchen and says: "Why are you out of sorts today?"

She replies, “How the hell did you think? You called me a loser in front of the kids, and then you pulled the towel off me, so they laughed at me. And you want me to chirp happily in the morning after that? " - “What are you? He gasps. - Well, you are an artist! Yes, I was on the other side of the room when your towel fell. Are you going to blame me for this? You're crazy! " And he walks away shaking his head.

A woman may feel like she’s losing her mind — sometimes she does — if the obvious realities of her life, including abuse, are routinely denied by her partner. The confidence and authority of his voice, his eyes full of bewilderment make her doubt herself: “Was it really? Maybe it wasn't. Maybe I'm overreacting to innocent things. " The more serious incidents he denies, the more she loses touch with reality. And if outsiders begin to notice her insecurity, the abusive man can use their observations to convince them that her revelations about his abuse are pure fantasy.

The partners of this type of violent men ask me, “After the incident, it seems that he truly believes that there was no violence. Is he deliberately lying? " As a rule, yes. Most abusive men have order. He probably remembers exactly what he did, especially after a recent incident. He denies his actions to close the discussion because he doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions, and perhaps wants you to feel frustrated and feel like you are going crazy. However, a small percentage of abusive men - perhaps one in twelve - may have psychological disorders, particularly Narcissistic or Borderline Personality Disorder, in which they literally block the awareness of any negative behavior. One of the signs that your partner is having this disorder is that they do the same to other people. If his denial and insanity is limited to you or situations that relate to you, he is most likely just cruel.

Denial and understatement is the most destructive pattern of behavior, be it an alcoholic, a gambling addict, or a child abuser. Abuse of women is no exception.

Reality # 10: Abusive Men Are Owners

My new clients often seem quite bewildered by what is happening, as if I was giving a seminar on edible plants and they were in the wrong audience. They do not wait for the opportunity to speak, jump up from their seats and rush at me: “But these are our wivesand girls... Do you mean to say that someone outside can dictate to us what to do in personal relationships? " As they say this, they smile or shake their heads slightly, as if they sympathize with my stupidity. They think that I somehow overlooked the fact that this theirwomen.

Ownership is one of the reasons these men tend to be more violent as the relationship gets more serious. The longer the relationship lasts and the stronger the loyalty, the more the abusive man begins to perceive his partner as a trophy. Possessiveness is the basis of the psychology of the cruel personality, the source that feeds all other streams. At a certain level, he feels that he owns you, and therefore has the right to treat you as he sees fit.

QUESTION 6: WHY IS HE SO INSANE JEALY?

For many abusive men, possessiveness takes the form of sexual jealousy. Men of this type closely track all the acquaintances of their partner, expect her to report her whereabouts all the time, and periodically throw themselves at her with accusations, like Fran (see Chapter 1). Note: most often the accusers are those who cheat themselves. Possessiveness and a position of authority make the abusive man think that he is allowed to have connections on the side, but she is not.

An equally important reason for the extreme jealousy that so many abusive men display is the desire isolateyour partner. In Chapter 1, we met with Marshall, who did not believe his own hysterical accusations of his wife's infidelity. So what drove him? The abusive man who isolates his partner does this mainly because he:

1. wants her life to be completely focused on his needs; he feels that other social contacts are taking her time away from him, and he does not perceive this as her right;

2. does not want her to have sources of strength that can feed her independence; This is often not entirely consciously, but at some level, abusive men are aware that a woman's social contacts can give her the strength and support that will ultimately help her escape his control (remember the case of Dale and Maureen from chapter 1?); The abusive man usually seeks to completely subjugate his partner in order to increase his strength.

Such a position in life leads the abusive person to a tendency to perceive any partner's relationship - with both men and women - as a personal threat. You can try to solve this problem by endlessly convincing him of your love and that you are not going to cheat on him. But this does not weaken his efforts to isolate you - after all, he is not so worried about the fact that you will sleep with another man, but the loss of control over you.

Jealous claims and isolation are just one form of possessiveness. Some abusive men have no control over their partners' interactions, but their deepest attitude is “you my, and therefore I do with you what I consider necessary ”- manifests itself differently. If your partner's sister criticizes him for bullying you, he may reply to her: "It is not your mind what I do with my girlfriend." If you have children, he may start treating all family members as if they were his property. His anger can grow dangerously high when trying to end a relationship with him. Keep your word in mind own, and you will begin to notice that many of your partner's actions go like horses in the belief that you belong to him.

Abusive men can have any personality type, their childhoods can be good or bad, they can be macho or sophisticated "liberals." No test can tell the difference between an abusive man and a trustworthy man. Abuse is not the result of emotional trauma or lack of development - it grows out of the child's early upbringing, depends on his key male role model and the influence of his peers. In other words, violence is a problem. valuesrather than psychology. If someone questions life positionor beliefsa cruel personality, he, as a rule, shows his arrogance and aggression, which he usually hides, leaving for attacks on his partner. The abuser tries to keep everyone's attention - his partner, therapist, friends and family - on what he feels so that they do not delve into what he thinks, probably because at a certain level he understands: having understood the true nature of his problems, you will get out of his power.

Remember

♦ The basis of cruelty is in the worldview and value system, not in feelings. Its root is possessiveness, the trunk is the position of authority, and the crown is control.

♦ Abuse and respect are two opposites. Abusive men cannot change without overcoming their fundamental disrespect for their partner.

♦ Abusive men are much more conscientious than they seem. However, even their less conscious actions are based on their value system.

♦ Abusive individuals can, but do not want to be non-violent. They don't want to give up power and control.

♦ You are not crazy. Trust your perception of how cruel your partner treats and thinks of you.

Good day.
and I understand your condition very well. It is yours and his ..
You love each other - rather yes, and let it be a habit and affection, etc., etc., because love is different ..
i will try to describe in turn and in general. I may be mistaken - but you should correct it where necessary.
You have broken communication .. Each of you has his own business .. he has a business and support, and you have a back side - his rear .. and with all its invisible front and coverage - men perceive everything that is done - all the comforts and when everything is stable - that this is nonsense and by itself .. but they do not even suspect that they are successful precisely because of such irreplaceable comfort .. it can be easily bought with money - nannies, cleaning women .. - but it gives off barracks .. there is no soul there .. although he may not notice it .. Mother because mother, wife - as something given, comfort as a setting .. your husband, alas, has become quite callous - he was hardly like that .. Yes, it seems to me that it is inappropriate to give read .. - although whether he will perceive the branch of the conference and will he even notice in the heap of his Important affairs and papers ..
now, alas, he forgot - that life is long and he will one day, very imperceptibly for himself, become old too .. and that his daughter will perceive him - as something living - as a piece of meat and still living .. that maybe. will call, from the next resort or friend ... in my opinion it's terrible - to be unnecessary for children .. yes, of course - life, business, worries - but, to be phoned for show .. well, in general, I think everything is quite able to understand about what speech ...
Yes, this scraping is of course tragic for you, because now you are somehow more than usual - vulnerable and want sensitivity .. you say that everything else is in order .. you do not have enough sensuality and understanding from him - it is analogous to him - he tells you - you are not interested in photography, diving and probably even that and that .. it seems to me that it is already necessary to look here in a complex way. what prevents you from being interested in all this, m. you are overloaded with solving everyday issues. so hire nannies and other employees .. leave something pleasant for you - communication with the mother-in-law and parents and the child .. he will not help you here unambiguously .. you have the same requests - and everyone is waiting for a step from the other. do it gradually - you can combine .. you know your unsuccessful pregnancy - alas, a consequence of your relationship. I'm not prof. in this, but from a psychologist I heard that every woman can get pregnant and endure, I understand that there are age restrictions .. but something bothers you and scares you .. maybe just what you described - fear .. this is the work of a psychologist. you can just start to understand and be interested in what he is interested in there .. after all, it will do you good too .. swimming, diving, very good. relax and restrain the body and nerves. sist. in order and balance - maybe that's why your child's body dropped - so that he would be born a little later, but in a healthy environment and body?
and talk to your husband again, only in a calmer tone, and tell how lonely and sad, painful and hard you were - and what exactly you wanted from him. are his deeds so insanely important? more important than health and support. whether he would have lost so much - postponing business for 3 hours and being with you. yes, there would be no need to decide and give the CO, yes, I would just hold my hand and warm it with a warm look .. your husband does not yet understand that it is you who are his rear and the spiritual basis. Of course, I admit that he himself is all on the perch and will easily replace everything and everyone - according to the principle there are no irreplaceable ones .. - but this is hardly so - tk. inside we all want warmth and affection .. just waiting for it from others ..
and now your husband is hiding this need for work and hobbies .. well, you are similarly in other worries ...
turn to each other and start giving - without expecting a return - it's just that this is love - to give - without demanding in return ..
you most likely have a harmonious family and relationships, only you both have stopped noticing in the race of the day and life that there is nothing more precious than mother and family .. - relationships and sensitivity ..
and deeds, papers, worries and problems will always be, they replace each other - so are you, adults and smart and wise - ready to replace children and parents with them. papers - they smolder .. memory and warmth remain in generations ..
i don’t know if I was able to convey the meaning that everything is fixable, I don’t know how you will perceive it - you just know, you now feel sorry for yourself, I’m you, and now let's get into Life. where they are - mother-in-law, parents, children and even husband - nothing can be done without you. let your work be invisible and imperceptible. it is in demand, it leaves a greater mark on the souls of people.
good luck to you.
02/21/2008 12:47:53 PM, even longer .. :)

thank! you are very much right. Yes, we have broken communication. It is quite true that he takes all comfort for granted. And although I personally do not wash the floors (there are housekeepers, nannies, drivers), but I manage them all. And believe me, this is not easy.
You wrote very correctly about your daughter! When I explained to him why I needed to go to the hospital for my mother, I said that God forbid our daughter, then in the same situation would offer him to take a taxi. I didn’t say anything ... I went for my mother.

"there is nothing more precious than mother and family .. - relationships and sensitivity .." that's what I'm trying to convey to him! I also have a mouth full of worries, but I have not lost my soul in all this life. It's just that I'm mentally very bad now ... and painful, but there is no support and will not be: (For the holidays I will "gather in a heap" and will continue to Live. Just now my daughter from school called to find out how I feel. But she thinks that my mother just got sick. And he never !! And no meetings and affairs can justify this. And after all, he will come home tired and bring food and cook something delicious from my favorite dishes .. and confess with his daughter about the suitors .. . sensitive father and caring husband ... 02/21/2008 13:22:23, Author