When communicating with other people, you can notice that with someone this process develops easily, but with someone it is strained. There are people with whom it is not possible to establish a dialogue at all. Moreover, it is not always possible to establish the cause of the stress. If you ask yourself what exactly interferes with free communication with a certain person, then you may not find a definite answer. Often, only such a vague definition as "we are incompatible" or "I do not like him" comes to mind. But what if we analyze the signs of these difficulties separately? What do they testify to? For example, what does a person's unwillingness to look into the eyes mean when talking?

What you should pay attention to

When you have to deal with such a person, in the process of communication, a feeling of discomfort arises. Even a conversation on the most abstract topics is not easy. You look him in the face, and he deliberately looks away. When addressing you, looks to the side or to another part of the face, such as the chin or lips. If it happens to him for a moment to look directly into the eyes, he immediately looks away, sometimes even slightly moves away after this moment, as if he had been electrocuted. And naturally, the thought runs through your head: "What's wrong with you?"
Meanwhile, such a feature can have completely different roots. To better understand the nature of this phenomenon, you need to pay attention to some of the nuances, namely:

• does this person look away when communicating with other people, or does it only concern you;
• whether this feature depends on the topic of conversation (personal life, work, gossip, etc.);
• what can make him look directly in the eyes for a while (surprise, laughter, fear, distrust, anger);
• whether this habit depends on the gender of his interlocutor (for example, he communicates normally with representatives of his gender, and averts his eyes with the opposite sex, or vice versa);
• is this person inherent in isolation in principle, or is he quite sociable.

First of all, you should establish whether you are the only person whom your interlocutor avoids looking in the eyes. Because if this is so, then the reason lies precisely in you, or rather, in his attitude towards you. If in this way he communicates with a group of people or with everyone without exception, then the problem is in himself and nothing else.

It is also important to pay attention to whether the conversation is easy for this person as such. Whether he is talkative, more often cheerful or irritable and withdrawn. Can he talk on the phone for a long time, how much do you know about him and his personal life from himself, whether he willingly participates in mass entertainment, holidays, walks, or prefers solitude. In other words, any information is important in the search for a cause.

Possible reasons

So, if you have established that your interlocutor does not look into the eyes when communicating with you, then the reason may be as follows:

• He likes youand the person is embarrassed by realizing this. With all his might, he tries to hide his sympathy, or he wants to show it, but he has absolutely no idea how to do it. When you turn to him, he is thrown into a fever, his legs become wadded, he answers in a confused and indistinct, himself angry with himself for this. He averts his eyes intuitively, because a direct look in your face will finally knock the poor man out of his rut.
• You are extremely unpleasant to him... Sometimes such a strong enmity has no objective basis. It's just that a person is categorically disliked, everything in him repulses. In this case, you will notice that the unwillingness to look in the eyes is not the only feature of the dialogue with this person. In principle, he avoids communicating with you, ignores your presence as much as possible, he himself never addresses you, only responding to your appeal, and then with obvious reluctance.
• He doesn't trust you... Averting his eyes, a person tries to hide his thoughts and feelings, he does not want you to guess about them. True, in this case, he will show a certain degree of mistrust to someone else. As a rule, secrecy is not strictly individual in nature, it either exists or it does not.
• He is embarrassed in your presence... This can be observed if, for example, you new person in a company he’s not used to yet. Or your impulsiveness, openness, assertiveness, eccentricity is so discordant with his modest and shy nature that when you appear, a person subconsciously shrinks "into a ball" and, of course, tries to avoid direct eye contact.

If a person does not look into the eyes of almost anyone with whom he has to communicate, then, most likely, he is extremely insecure, notorious, irritable and withdrawn. Sometimes you can notice how the interlocutor, during a conversation, not only does not look into the eyes, but, on the contrary, wanders around, for example, on the lips, as if mentally circling them. This is already a problem of a neurological nature, and has nothing to do with the qualities of the personality, especially yours.

When a person avoids looking directly into the eyes of their interlocutor, they have a reason for it. Make sure you really want it before you start solving this problem. If he has extreme dislike for you, then perhaps you should maximize the distance between you, in order to avoid unpleasant situations for you. In all other cases, the problem can be dealt with.

Sometimes it’s enough to just wait. When a person gets used to it, gets to know you better, perhaps this awkwardness will go away by itself. In this case, it is necessary to show patience and tact, to give him the opportunity to open up on his own. It is like the situation with a snail: it looks out of its shell when it does not sense danger. Pulling it by the horns means achieving the opposite result. Usually a kind attitude, sincerity, openness will sooner or later melt any ice in communication. If a person is in love with you, give him at least some hint of reciprocity, otherwise he may never dare to take the first step.

Usually our eyes "follow" our thoughts, and sometimes, just by looking into our eyes, other people can understand what we are thinking. Are you sure you agree that reading another person's thoughts by their eyes is a very useful skill? Thanks to this, everyone will be able to understand whether they are being deceived or determine whether your interlocutor is interested in what you are telling him. This useful skill is perfectly mastered by poker players.

Eyes to eyes

Such contact with the interlocutor indicates that he is very interested in talking with you. Prolonged eye contact can indicate that the person is scared and / or distrustful of you. Brief Eye Contact - The person is worried and / or not interested in talking to you. And the complete absence of eye contact indicates the complete indifference of your interlocutor to your conversation.

Man looking up

Raised eyes are a sign of contempt, sarcasm, or annoyance directed at you. In most cases, such a "gesture" means indulgence.

If the person looks to the upper right corner

He visually imagines the image stored in his memory. Ask someone to describe the appearance of a person, and your interlocutor will certainly look up and look to the right.

If the person looks away to the upper left corner

This indicates that he is clearly trying to imagine something. When we try to use our imagination to visually "draw" a picture, we lift our eyes up and look to the left.

If your interlocutor looks to the right

This means that he is trying to remember something. Try asking someone to remember the melody of the song, and the person will definitely glance to the right.

Looking to the left, people come up with sounds

When a person imagines a sound or composes a new melody, he looks to the left. Ask someone to imagine the sound of a car whistle underwater, and they will certainly look to the left.

If your interlocutor lowers his eyes and looks to the right

This person has a so-called "internal" dialogue with himself. The other person may be pondering something you said, or they may be pondering what to say to you next.

If a person looks down and looks to the left

He thinks about his impression of something. Ask your interlocutor how they feel on their birthday, and before answering you, the person will lower their eyes and look to the left.

Downcast eyes

We show that we feel uncomfortable or even embarrassed. Often, if a person is shy or does not want to talk, he lowers his eyes. In Asian culture, it is normal not to look a person in the eye, to look down when talking to the interlocutor.

These "rules" are usually followed by all of us. But left-handers do the opposite: right-handers look to the right, left-handers to the left, and vice versa.

How can you tell if someone is lying to you?

There is no absolutely correct algorithm by which you can determine whether your interlocutor is lying or not. The best way - ask an elementary question, for example, "What color is your car?" If a person lifts his eyes and looks to the right (or to the left, if he is left-handed), then it is quite possible to believe him. Thus, in the future you can understand whether you are being deceived or not.

For example, when telling you about what happened in class, your friend looks to the right; talking about his holidays, he constantly looks up and glances to the right. Most likely, everything he said is true. But when he shares with you his impressions of the beautiful girl he met the other day, and his eyes are fixed on the upper left corner, you can conclude that he is clearly “embellishing”.

Features of the look and its meaning.

Conversation is the most common way people exchange information. But it happens that the interlocutor is in no hurry to look into the eyes. In this article, we will consider the main reasons for the lack of a focused gaze on the interlocutor from the point of view of psychology.

He's not necessarily lying, although most people would think so. In fact, a person can avoid contact with the other person's evil eye for a number of reasons.

Causes:

• Shyness
• Reluctance to delve into the conversation
• Indecision
• Sympathy and shyness
• Irritation
• Lack of sympathy for a partner
• Cheating

In general, a direct piercing glance does not always indicate sympathy. Other details need to be appreciated to understand what this view means.

Causes:

• If the conversation is tense enough and not entirely pleasant. A man or interlocutor with a long and piercing gaze tries to expose and overthrow the enemy.
• If you communicate nicely, while the man stares at you and straightens his hair, shirt, then this indicates his interest in you. He is not indifferent to you.
• With a piercing gaze and crossing your arms on your chest, you can talk about a certain dislike or unwillingness to listen to the interlocutor. The opponent is not interested in the conversation.
• If a man stares at you and speaks in a low voice, this indicates flirting and sympathy.

A strong and confident look is a show of strength. It is not enough to speak confidently and back up words with actions, you need to behave like a leader. This can be done with a glance. Your gaze should be piercing. It is best if casual passers-by will lower their eyes when you look.

Reasons for the importance of the gaze:

• A confident look enhances you in the eyes of the other person
• Speaks of your confidence and seriousness of intentions
• Speaks of openness and honesty

In most cases, people do not look the other person in the eye because of fear and insecurity. But among politicians and coaches there are special exercisesthat allow you to look your opponent in the eye. This builds trust on the part of the interlocutor and can be a serious weapon during debates and disputes. Below are some tips to help you look confidently in the eyes.

• Do your daily workouts. To do this, just practice on passers-by. Make eye contact with them.
• It is also worth doing exercises for the eye muscles. You need to draw eights with your eyes closed and open.
• Spend a few minutes a day evaluating your gaze in the mirror. So you can understand how you look from the outside.
• If you initially find it difficult to learn to look into the eyes, you can focus on the bridge of the nose.
• In the evening, when talking with your interlocutor, concentrate your gaze on a point to the left of your opponent's face.
• If you notice that as soon as you look your opponent in the eyes, and he looks down, you have achieved your goal.

Learning to look in the eyes is not difficult at all. This requires desire and regular exercise.

Many people believe that they do not look in the eyes when they are deceiving. Psychologists refute this and assure that there are many reasons why, during a conversation, a person does not look into the eyes of another. Why doesn't a person look in the eyes?

During the experiments, it turned out that in one second, when people look into each other's eyes, they are able to receive a volume of information, as in 3 hours of active communication. Therefore, constantly looking into the eyes of the interlocutor is not easy, and the person has to look away.

In addition, it has been proven that if people constantly look into each other's eyes, it is very annoying to them. In this case, it seems to a person that they are trying to read or calculate it. Nobody likes this.

In some cases, when talking, averting the eyes to the side is considered a sign of shyness - this is scientifically confirmed. The look gives out the attitude to the object: interest, love or interest - all this makes the eyes look in a special way. Therefore, if a person does not want you to see his feelings right now, then he looks away.

It's hard to look into the eyes of a person who hard look... Already in the first seconds of communication with such a person it becomes uncomfortable, uncomfortable and even unpleasant. Such a look crushes morally and you have to avert your eyes to the side.

Because of what they do not look in the eyes

Another reason why people don't look directly in the eyes is their lack of self-confidence. A person betrays emotional excitement if, in the course of a conversation, he is touching something in his hands, pulling at the tip of his nose, ears or hair. Also, he will avoid direct eye contact, because he does not know which look is most appropriate for him to "send" you.

Why does a person not look into the eyes - often a person does not want to look into the eyes of the interlocutor just because he is not interested in him. In addition to the averted gaze, disinterest is manifested by additional signs: glancing at the clock, yawning, interrupting the conversation under any pretext, etc.

In order not to have problems in communication, you can practice not averting your eyes when talking. Then it will be easier for you to make new friends or build any kind of relationship with people.

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The eyes are not capable of lying, since they connect the human soul with the outside world. It is generally accepted that if a person does not look into the eyes when talking, then he is sure to deceive.

As widespread as this opinion is, it is erroneous. Psychologists have identified the reasons and situations due to which the opponent does not look into the eyes when communicating.

This is one of those factors that is based on scientific statements. Shy people often hide their feelings, so they cannot look directly in the eyes, because a look can tell everything. The deepest feelings and sensations will be read in it, be it love or hatred. Most shy people are closed, and therefore they do not want to be revealed.

Often, one glance can provide a huge amount of information about the interlocutor. A couple of minutes of eye contact is much more than hours of simple conversation. Due to the overabundance of information, people simply have to look away for a while.

Excessive eye contact makes a person anxious and contributes to the appearance of irritation. After all, it seems as if the interlocutor is striving to find out everything that is inside. And almost no one will like it.

Internal discomfort is not hard to see. Signs of this may be touching the ears, nose during a conversation, and fingering hair. It is for this reason that the interlocutor will not make eye contact.

Maintaining eye contact with a person who literally penetrates through his interlocutor, at the very least, delivers psychological discomfort.

Lack of interest is not always manifested in glancing at the clock and yawning. The lack of interest of the interlocutor can also be expressed in the absence of eye contact.

Many people find it easier to formulate a thought and imagine a certain situation just by immersing themselves a little. Such people simply need to create a picture in their heads for better perception, and it is simply impossible to do this while maintaining contact with an opponent.

For more productive communication, you should learn to keep your gaze as long as possible. The ability to maintain eye contact will help not only in informal, but also in business relationships.

If a person does not look into the eyes when talking: the opinion of a psychologist

In the course of the conducted reflections, psychologists noted that the vast majority of people do not resort to eye contact during a conversation. Eye-to-eye gaze is most common among couples in love. In ordinary communication, people very rarely look into each other's eyes.

Also, in the process of observations, it was found that leaders who are distinguished by the effectiveness of leadership over people, when talking with their employees, look them in the eyes.

Everyone knows the need to look the other person in the eye, but not everyone is comfortable doing this. Even if a person tries to maintain eye contact, he becomes uncomfortable and begins to feel a kind of embarrassment, because he is not used to it.

In many countries, eye-to-eye gaze is referred to as an expression of disrespect, which is why women in such states, predominantly Muslim, do not look up at a man when talking to him.

It is widely believed that to create the effect of eye contact, you need to look at the bridge of the nose of your interlocutor. But it is wrong, since heightened attention can cause the opponent's neurosis.

Understanding the reason why a person does not look in the eyes when talking can also help with body language. To tell that a person has become bored and no longer wants to have a conversation, his gaze directed from the top to the right will help. And his dilated pupils will tell about the opponent's interest in the conversation.

Some tips to help you keep eye contact

• Try to look at your opponent with a soft and relaxed gaze, touching on a large area that falls into the field of view. The main thing is not to lose this contact and stay calm.
• A gaze can cause a harsh expression on your face, so watch your facial expressions. She should not be focused, on the contrary, benevolence and gentleness will not only relax you, but also win over your opponent. To achieve this effect, you can mentally imagine that you are holding the person by the shoulder. This will add more warmth and softness to your eyes.
• The main problem standing in the way of making eye contact is self-doubt. This insecurity breeds nervousness. It is necessary to overcome this line and understand that looking into the eyes only establishes contact with a person.
• Try to study the facial expressions and position of the interlocutor. You can try to "mirror" it. This will help overcome the interpersonal barrier and win over your opponent.

If a person does not make eye contact when talking, do not rush to draw erroneous conclusions. Perhaps you should take a closer look at the interlocutor and understand the reason for the lack of eye contact on his part.