From the novel "Twelve Chairs" (1928) by Ilya Ilf (1897-1937) and Evgeny Petrov (1903-1942). The 22nd chapter of the novel, entitled “Ellochka the Ogre,” begins like this: “William Shakespeare's dictionary, according to researchers, is 12,000 words. The dictionary of a Negro from the cannibalistic tribe "Mumbo-Yumbo" is 300 words. Ellochka Shchukina easily and freely got along with thirty. " The dictionary of the engineer Shchukin's wife consisted mainly of such words as "famous", "darkness", "horror", "boy", "taxo", etc., which adequately reflected her inner world. So, here's the dictionary itself: Eerie, creepy Creepy, creepy - a word from the lexicon of Ellochka the cannibal. For example, when meeting with a good friend: "a terrible meeting." - I don’t take bribes I don’t steal money and I don’t know how to forge them. - Horror !. Famous Famous - a word from the lexicon of Ellochka the cannibal. - Ho ho! - was heard in the silence of the night. - Famous, Ernestulya! Cr-r-racota! Like a child Like a child - "I hit him like a child" - when playing cards. "I cut him off like a child" - apparently, in a conversation with the responsible renter. Cr-r-racota! Cr-r-racota! - Ho ho! - was heard in the silence of the night. - Famous, Ernestulya! Cr-r-racota! Ilf and Petrov. Darkness Gloom - No, let's talk seriously. I get two hundred rubles. - Darkness !. Gloomy- is used in relation to everything. For example: “gloomy Petya came,” “gloomy weather,” “gloomy case,” “gloomy cat,” etc. “A gloomy husband has come,” Ellochka said clearly. Don't teach me how to live Don't teach me how to live - Ho ho! objected Ostap, dancing with a chair in a large Moorish room at the Orient Hotel. “Don't teach me how to live. I'm angry now. I have money. Ilf and Petrov Whoa! Whoa! - expresses, depending on the circumstances, irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and satisfaction. - Wow! Ho ho! Let's exchange. You give me a chair, and I give you a strainer. Want to? Boy Boy - used in relation to all familiar men, regardless of age and social status. - You are the guy that you need, - Ellochka noticed as a result of the first minutes of acquaintance. Just think! Just think! - a word from the lexicon of Ellochka the cannibal. - Well, how can you do that ?! After all, we will have nothing to eat! - Just think! Let's go in a cab Let's go in a cab - a phrase from the cannibal Ellochka's vocabulary. It is said to the husband. Let's go by taxi Let's go on a taxi - a phrase from the lexicon of Ellochka the cannibal. Said to male acquaintances. - Will you go to the taxi? Cr-racota. Thick and handsome Thick and beautiful - Used as a characteristic of inanimate and animate objects. - You are a fat and handsome guy. Your whole back is white Your whole back is white - a joke. “Your whole back is white,” said Ellochka in a gramophone voice. -Ulya -ulya - affectionate ending of names. For example: Mishulya, Zinulya. - Ho ho! - was heard in the silence of the night. - Famous, Ernestulya! Cr-r-racota! Rude Hamite is a word from the vocabulary of Ellochka the cannibal. - Rude, lad, - Ellochka said slyly. Ho ho!Rude Rude - Rude, lad, - Ellochka said slyly. Ho ho! Ho ho! - expresses, depending on the circumstances, irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and satisfaction. - Wow! Ho ho! Let's exchange. You give me a chair, and I give you a strainer. Want to?

He was running very fast, - said the homeless man, - it jumped out of my head.

You won't get the money, the employer said.

Dya-hell! .. Yes, I'll show you.

Okay. Stay. Let's go together.

The bleating citizen lived, it turns out, on Sadovaya-Spasskaya. Ostap wrote down his exact address in a notebook.

The eighth chair went to the House Peoples. The boy chasing that chair turned out to be a sneak.

Having overcome barriers in the form of a commandant's office and numerous couriers, he entered House and made sure that the chair was bought by the manager of the Stank editorial office.

There weren't two boys yet. They came running almost simultaneously, out of breath and exhausted.

Barracks lane, near Chistye Prudy.

Nine. And apartment nine. There Tatars live nearby. In the courtyard. I brought him a chair too. We walked on foot.

The last messenger brought sad news. At first everything was good, but then everything became bad. The buyer entered the goods yard of the Oktyabrsky railway station with a chair, and it was in no way possible to climb behind him - the arrows of the OVO NKPS stood at the gate.

Probably left, - finished his homeless report.

This greatly alarmed Ostap. Having rewarded the homeless royally - a ruble per messenger, not counting the messenger from Varsonofievsky Lane, who had forgotten the house number (he was ordered to come early the next day) - the technical director returned home and, without answering the questions of the disgraced chairman of the board, began to combine.

Nothing is lost yet. There are addresses, and in order to get chairs, there are many old tried and tested tricks: 1) simple acquaintance, 2) love affair, 3) acquaintance with hacking, 4) exchange, 5) money and 6) money... The latter is the most true. But money is not enough. Ostap looked ironically at Ippolit Matveyevich. The usual freshness of thought and peace of mind returned to the great combinator. Money, of course, can be obtained. In stock there was still a painting "The Bolsheviks are writing a letter to Chamberlain", a tea strainer and a full opportunity to continue the career of a polygamist.

Only the tenth chair disturbed me. There was a trace, of course, but what a trace! - vague and foggy.

Well! - said Ostap loudly. - You can catch such chances. I'm playing nine against one. The meeting continues! Do you hear? You! Juror!

CHAPTER TWELVE

Ogre Ellochka

William Shakespeare's dictionary, according to researchers, is 12.000 words. The dictionary of a negro from the cannibalistic tribe "Mumbo-Yumbo" is 300 words.

Ellochka Shchukina easily and freely managed thirty.

Here are the words, phrases and interjections, meticulously chosen by her from all the great, verbose and powerful Russian language:

1. Be rude.

2. Ho ho! (Expresses, as the case may be, irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt, and contentment.)

3. Famous.

4. Gloomy. (In relation to everything. For example: "gloomy Petya came", "gloomy weather", "gloomy case", "gloomy cat ", etc.)

6. Horror. (Creepy. For example, when meeting a good friend: Creepy a meeting".)

7. Boy. (In relation to all familiar men, regardless of age and social status.)

8. Don't teach me how to live.

9. As a child. ("I i hit him, like a child ”- when playing cards. "I cut him off like a child" - apparently, in conversation with the responsible renter.)

10. Cr-r-racota!

11. Thick and handsome. (Used as a characteristic of inanimate and animate objects.)

12. Let's go in a cab. (Spoken to her husband.)

13. Let's go to the taxi. (To acquaintances masculine floor. )

14. Your whole back is white. (joke).

15. Just think!

16. Ulya. (Affectionate ending of names. For example: Mishulya, Zinulya.)

17. Wow! (Irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt, and contentment.)

The words that remained in an extremely insignificant amount served as a transmission link between Ellochka and the clerks of the department stores.

If we look at the photographs of Ellochka Shchukina hanging over the bed of her husband, engineer Ernest Pavlovich Shchukin (one is full-face, the other in profile), then it is easy to notice a forehead of pleasant height and bulge, large wet eyes, the sweetest nose in the Moscow province with light snub nose and a chin with a small ink-painted speck.

CHAPTER TWELVE
Chapter XXIV. Ogre Ellochka

William Shakespeare's vocabulary, according to researchers, is 12
000 words *. The dictionary of a negro from the cannibalistic tribe "Mumbo-Yumbo" * is
300 words.
Ellochka Shchukina easily and freely managed thirty.
Here are the words, phrases and interjections, meticulously chosen by her from all the great
whom, the verbose and powerful Russian language *:
1. Be rude.
2. Ho ho! (Expresses, depending on the circumstances, irony, surprise
ness, delight, hatred, joy, contempt, and contentment.)
3. Famous.
4. Gloomy. (In relation to everything. For example: "gloomy Petya came",
"gloomy weather", "gloomy case", "gloomy cat", etc.)
5. Gloom.
6. Horror. (Creepy. For example, when meeting a good friend: "creepy
a meeting".)
7. Boy. (In relation to all familiar men, regardless of
age and social status.)
8. Don't teach me how to live.
9. As a child. ("I hit him like a child" - when playing cards. "I
cut off like a child "- as you can see, in a conversation with a responsible tenant
com.)
10. Cr-r-racota!
11. Thick and handsome. (Used as a characteristic of inanimate
and animate objects.)
12. Let's go in a cab. (Spoken to her husband.)
13. Let's go to the taxi. (Male * acquaintances.)
14. Your back is white (just kidding).
15. Just think!
16. Ulya. (Affectionate ending of names. For example: Mishulya, Zinulya.)
17. Wow! (Irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and
satisfaction.)
The remaining words in an extremely small amount served as
the exact link between Ellochka and the department store clerks.
If we look at the photographs of Ellochka Shchukina hanging over her bed
husband - engineer Ernest Pavlovich Shchukin (one - full face, the other in pro
fil), - then it is easy to notice the forehead of a pleasant height and bulge, large
wet eyes, the sweetest nose in the Moscow province with a slight snub nose
and a chin with a small ink-painted speck.
Ellochka's height flattered the men. She was small, and even the most spit
The men next to her looked like big and powerful men.
As for special signs, they were not. Ellochka did not need
in them. She was beautiful.
Two hundred rubles, which her husband received monthly at the Electro-
chandelier "*, for Ellochka they were an insult. They could not help that
the grandiose struggle that Ellochka had been waging for four years, since
took the social position of a housewife - Shchukinsha, Shchukin's wife.
The struggle was fought with full effort. She consumed all the resources. Er-
nest Pavlovich took evening work to his house, refused servants,
he cooked a primus stove, took out the trash and even fried cutlets.
But all was fruitless. A dangerous enemy destroyed the economy every year
More. As already mentioned, Ellochka noticed four years ago
that she has a rival overseas. Misfortune visited Ellochka that
joyful evening when Ellochka tried on a very cute crepe de Chine
blouse. In this outfit, she almost seemed like a goddess.
`` Ho ho, '' she exclaimed, reducing to this cannibalistic cry of amaze-
complex feelings that captured her being. Simplified, these feelings
could be expressed in such a phrase: "Seeing me like this, men were excited
nagging. They will tremble. They will follow me to the ends of the world, stuttering with love
in and. But I'll be cold. Are they worth me? I am the most beautiful. Such
no one in the world has an elegant blouse. "
But there were only thirty words, and Ellochka chose the most expressive
zitelno - "ho-ho".
At such a great hour, Fima Sobak came to her. She brought with her
rose breath of January and French fashion magazine. On its first page
Ellochka stopped. The sparkling photograph showed the daughter of an American
th billionaire Vanderbild * in an evening dress. There were furs and feathers
silk and pearls, extraordinary lightness of cut * and breathtaking
ceska.
It decided everything.
- Wow! - said Ellochka to herself.
It meant: "Either I, or she."
The morning of another day found Ellochka in the hairdresser. Here Ellochka is
lost her beautiful black braid and dyed her hair red. Then
managed to climb one more step of the staircase that brought
Ellochka to a shining paradise, where the daughters of billionaires are strolling,
the housewife Shchukina even holds a candle: on work credit * there was a purchase
on a dog skin depicting a desman. It was used for decoration
evening dress. Mr. Shchukin, who has long cherished the dream of buying a new
drawing board, somewhat depressed. The dog-trimmed dress caused
arrogant Vanderbildihe first well-aimed blow. Then to the proud American woman
three strikes in a row were struck. Ellochka bought from a home furrier
Fimochki Sobakov chinchilla tippet (Russian hare, killed in
Tula province), got herself a pigeon hat made of Argentine felt and
she altered her husband's new jacket into a fashionable ladies' waistcoat. The billionaire wiggle
she was, but it was evidently saved by the loving papa-Vanderbilt. Another
the issue of the fashion magazine contained portraits of the damned rival in four
types: 1) in black-brown foxes, 2) with a diamond star on the forehead, 3) in
aviation suit - high patent leather boots, the thinnest green jacket
Spanish leather and gloves, the sockets of which were inlaid with emerald
dami of medium size, and 4) in the ballroom toilet - cascades of jewelry and
a little silk.

Ellochka mobilized. Papa-Shchukin took out a loan at the mutual
help. He was not given more than thirty rubles. Powerful new effort at the root
cut the farm. I had to fight in all areas of my life. Recently
but photographs of Miss were obtained at her new castle in Florida. I had to
Ellochka to acquire new furniture. Ellochka bought two soft

The book tells about the search for jewelry sewn into the upholstery of chairs. Having decided to get the treasure, the main character is forced to face representatives of Soviet society. Among the characters there are few noble personalities who are not tainted by vices and shortcomings. With the help of characters, writers make fun of society and its vices.

Ellochka the Cannibal is an episodic character. Her image is colorful and unforgettable. The heroine in the guise of an attractive girl of the early twentieth century has interesting character traits and demeanor, which are emphasized by Ilf and Petrov. Chapter 22 of the novel "12 chairs" is dedicated to the character.

History of creation

Striving to ridicule the vices of modern society, Ilf and Petrov emphasized bureaucracy, theft, laziness and idleness, idle talk, deception, extortion. They focused on dreams of quick wealth. Bright and organic, Ellochka is a typical character of the era, a collective image of women of a certain type. Her name was later used as a household name.

The description of Ellochka the ogre was carefully thought out by writers. The heroine's vocabulary was supposed to consist of only 30 words. They paid special attention to him, analyzing every word he found. Who wrote the complete list of the heroine's favorite expressions? Some remarks, like "fat and handsome", were borrowed by the authors. The aforementioned phrase was loved by the poet Adeline Adalis. And Ellochk's favorite "darkness" was often repeated by the artist Alexei Radakov.

The girl personifies the middle-class, idle consumer who lives on the acquisition of new products for the sake of creating an impression. Ilf and Petrov strove to create the image of a woman in whose life there is no meaning. Ellochka's main interests were fashion trends and attempts to match them in the absence of a sufficient budget. Ellochka is not distinguished by intelligence. Taking advantage of her superficiality and thirst for a rich life, Ostap Bender exchanged a chair, leaving in return a golden strainer.

People like Ellochka are a tragedy of the Soviet era. For the 21st century, such characters are a common occurrence, but in the 1930s, the girl was considered a parasite. At the whim of the authors, Ellochka acquired the nickname "cannibal". It was justified by the heroine's vocabulary. Commenting on the phrases and words used by the character, the authors mention that, unlike the literary classics, the Mumbo-Yumbo cannibal tribe manages 30 words. "Secular lioness" Ellochka has enough of them to build communication.

Biography

Ellochka is not burdened with a thirst for professional fulfillment or lofty spiritual values. She lives on her husband's salary, which is barely enough for expensive whims. Shchukin, an engineer at the Electrosila plant, married a girl because of her attractive appearance. The relationship of the spouses is far from ideal. Shchukin does not endure her for long and runs away, leaving housing and maintenance in the form of half his salary.

The real name of the character is Elena. But in the wake of modifications and fashion for outstanding names, Elena transformed into Ella. Equal to foreign divas, the girl sewed herself a suit designed to emphasize elegance. The decoration of the outfit was a dog's skin, which, with the help of the heroine's fantasy, turned into a desman's skin.

By the way, the Mexican jerboa and Shanghai leopards mentioned by her are invented animals that do not exist in nature. The chinchilla stole for the dreamer was embodied from a hare. An extravagant girl, easily experimenting, changed her braid to a short haircut and dyed her hair red.

A narrow-minded and vulgar pretty girl, living at someone else's expense, is familiar to representatives of any generation. Such ladies are easy to meet today: the image does not lose its relevance. The dialogue between Bender and Ellochka Shchukina demonstrates the poverty of her inner world.

The stupidity that the girl shows in the scene of bribery is inherent in her due to the lack of spirituality with an unbearable thirst for a beautiful life. Like candy in a bright wrapper with cheap filling, Shchukin is not able to interest, show ingenuity and avoid deception.

Ellochka is a bright and expressive character in the work "12 chairs". She symbolizes a wretched person who is an example of philistinism. Adapting to favorable living conditions, Ella will not disappear under any circumstances. The name of Shchukin was given to her for a reason. She speaks, because the pike is a freshwater predator. The essence of Ellochka's character is revealed with the help of this pictorial technique.

Screen adaptations

Ilf and Petrov's novel "12 Chairs" has been repeatedly filmed. The role of Ellochka the ogre was played by talented artists, embodying the image with all the breadth and versatility of talent.

In 1966, Alexander Belinsky staged a television show of the same name, where an amazing performance appeared in the image of Ellochka.

In 2006, a monument to a curious character invented by Ilf and Petrov was opened in Kharkov. It is located on Petrovsky Street at the entrance to the cafe "Rio" and depicts a girl in a boa leaning frivolously on a chair. The prototype for the monument was actress Elena Shanina in the image of a Soviet dreamer.

The language in which Ellochka the cannibal spoke is considered the smallest. For reference: Basic English vocabulary consists of 850 words. At the same time he used 12,000 words for writing works.

Quotes

Ellochka the man-eating lexicon was limited to 30 words. The phrases that she built with their help were not eloquent. Skillful use of various intonations helped the heroine convey emotions to the interlocutor and got rid of common remarks. It is curious that Ellochka's husband understood her perfectly, despite the fact that phrases like "ho-ho" or "hoo-ho" could be interpreted in various interpretations.

Some expressions used by Ellochka became winged and are heard in the speech of contemporaries. So, for example, the replica

"Don't teach me to live"

became a favorite for representatives of many generations. She involuntarily brings to mind the famous remark in the film "Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears":

“Don't teach me how to live, better help me financially.”

The heroine's manner of communication is vulgar. She called a man of any age “boy”, and used the word “darkness” to negatively assess what was happening. From time to time, the heroine had to talk, building up detailed sentences, but during the dialogues this rarely happened and was completely unusual for the character.

There is no analogue to the image of Ellochka the cannibal in Russian literature. Ilf and Petrov became pioneers in creating the image of a Soviet fashionista, which was picked up and developed by filmmakers of the Soviet period.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Ogre Ellochka

William Shakespeare's dictionary, according to researchers, is 12.000 words. The dictionary of a negro from the cannibalistic tribe "Mumbo-Yumbo" is 300 words.

Ellochka Shchukina easily and freely managed thirty.

Here are the words, phrases and interjections, meticulously chosen by her from all the great, verbose and mighty Russian language:

1. Be rude.

2. Ho ho! (Expresses, as the case may be, irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt, and contentment.)

3. Famous.

4. Gloomy. (In relation to everything. For example: "gloomy Petya came", "gloomy weather", "gloomy case", "gloomy cat ", etc.)

6. Horror. (Creepy. For example, when meeting a good friend: Creepy a meeting".)

7. Boy. (In relation to all familiar men, regardless of age and social status.)

8. Don't teach me how to live.

9. As a child. ("I i hit him, like a child ”- when playing cards. "I cut him off like a child" - apparently, in a conversation with the responsible renter.)

10. Cr-r-racota!

11. Thick and handsome. (Used as a characteristic of inanimate and animate objects.)

12. Let's go in a cab. (Spoken to her husband.)

13. Let's go to the taxi. (To acquaintances masculine floor.)

14. Your whole back is white. (joke).

15. Just think!

16. Ulya. (Affectionate ending of names. For example: Mishulya, Zinulya.)

17. Wow! (Irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt, and contentment.)

The words that remained in an extremely insignificant amount served as a transmission link between Ellochka and the clerks of the department stores.

If we look at the photographs of Ellochka Shchukina hanging over the bed of her husband, engineer Ernest Pavlovich Shchukin (one is full-face, the other in profile), then it is easy to notice a forehead of pleasant height and bulge, large wet eyes, the sweetest nose in the Moscow province with light snub nose and a chin with a small ink-painted speck.

Ellochka's height flattered the men. She was small, and even the shabbiest men next to her looked like big and powerful men.

As for special signs, there were none. Ellochka did not need them. She was beautiful.

Two hundred rubles, which her husband received every month at the Electrolustra plant, was an insult to Ellochka. They could in no way help the tremendous struggle that Ellochka had been waging for four years, since she took the social position of a housewife - Shchukinshi, Shchukin's wife. The struggle was fought with full effort. She consumed all the resources. Ernest Pavlovich took evening work to his home, refused servants, raised a primus stove, took out the trash and even fried cutlets.

But all was fruitless. Dangerous enemy destroyed economy every year more and more. As already stated, Ellochka four years ago noticed that she had a rival overseas. Misfortune visited Ellochka on that joyful evening when Ellochka was trying on a very nice crepe de Chine blouse. In this outfit, she almost seemed like a goddess.

`` Ho ho, '' she exclaimed, reducing to this cannibalistic scream the startlingly complex feelings that captured her being. Simplified, these feelings could be expressed in such the phrase: “Seeing me like this, men will get excited. They will tremble. They will follow me to the ends of the world, stuttering with love. But I will be cold. Are they worth me? I am the most beautiful. No one else in the world has such an elegant blouse. "

But there were only thirty words, and Ellochka chose the most expressive of them - "ho-ho".

At such a great hour, Fima Sobak came to her. She brought with her the frosty breath of January and a French fashion magazine. On its first page, Ellochka stopped. The sparkling photograph showed the daughter of the American billionaire Vanderbilt in an evening gown. There were furs and feathers, silk and pearls, extraordinary ease of cut and a stunning hairstyle.

It decided everything.

- Wow! - said Ellochka to herself.

It meant: "Either I, or she."

The morning of another day found Ellochka at the hairdresser's. Here Ellochka lost her beautiful black braid and dyed her hair red. Then they managed to climb one more step of the staircase, which brought Ellochka closer to the shining paradise, where the daughters of billionaires stroll, who are not suitable for Shchukina's housewife, even holding a candle to her: a dog skin representing a desman was bought on a work loan. It was used to decorate the evening dress. Mr. Shchukin, who had long cherished the dream of buying a new drawing board, was somewhat depressed. The dress, trimmed by the dog, dealt the first well-aimed blow to the arrogant Vanderbilde. Then the proud American woman was struck three times in a row. Ellochka bought a chinchilla stole (a Russian hare, killed in the Tula province) from the home furrier Fimochka Sobakov, got herself a pigeon hat made of Argentinean felt and altered her husband's new jacket into a fashionable ladies' waistcoat. The billionaire swayed, but she was apparently saved by a loving papa - Vanderbilt. The next issue of the fashion magazine included portraits of the damned rival in four forms: 1) in black and brown foxes, 2) with a diamond star on the forehead, 3) in an aviation suit - tall lacquer boots, thinnest green jacket spanish skin and gloves, the sockets of which were inlaid with medium-sized emeralds, and 4) in the ballroom dress - cascades of jewelry and a little silk.

Ellochka mobilized. Papa-Shchukin took out a loan from the mutual aid fund. He was not given more than thirty rubles. A powerful new effort cut the economy down to its roots. I had to fight in all areas of life. Photos of Miss were recently received at her new castle in Florida. Ellochka also had to acquire new furniture. Ellochka bought two soft chairs at auction. (Successful purchase! It was impossible to miss it!) Without asking her husband, Ellochka took money from the dinner sums. There were ten days and four rubles left until the fifteenth.

Ellochka drove the chairs along Varsonofyevsky Lane with style. The husband was not at home. However, he soon appeared, carrying with him a briefcase-chest.

“A gloomy husband has come,” Ellochka said distinctly.

All the words were pronounced by her clearly and popped out smartly, like peas.

- Hello, Yelenochka, what is this? Where are the chairs from?

- No, really?

- Cr-racota!

- Yes. The chairs are good.

- Know-ni-ty!

- Has anyone presented it?

- How?! Did you buy it? What means? Really on the household? After all, I told you a thousand times ...

- Ernestulya! Hamish!

- Well, how can you do that ?! After all, we will have nothing to eat!

- Just think! ..

- But this is outrageous! You are living beyond your means!

- You're kidding!

- Yes Yes. You are living beyond your means ...

- Don't teach me how to live!

- No, let's talk seriously. I get two hundred rubles ...

- I don’t take bribes ... I don’t steal money and I don’t know how to forge it ...

Ernest Pavlovich fell silent.

“That's what,” he said at last, “you can't live like that.

- Ho-ho, - objected Ellochka, sitting down on a new chair.

- We need to disperse.

- Just think!

- We do not agree in character. I…

- You are a fat and handsome guy.

- How many times have I asked not to call me boys!

- You're kidding!

- And where did you get this idiotic jargon ?!

- Don't teach me how to live!

- Oh shit! - shouted the engineer.

- Be rude, Ernestulya.

- Let's disperse peacefully.

- You won't prove anything to me! This dispute ...

- I will beat you like a child ...

- No, this is completely unbearable. Your arguments cannot deter me from the step that I am forced to take. I'm going for a crowbar right now.

- You're kidding.

- We share the furniture equally.

- You will receive one hundred rubles a month. Even one hundred and twenty. The room will remain with you. Live as you want, but I can't ...

“It’s famous,” said Ellochka contemptuously.

- And I will move to Ivan Alekseevich.

- He went to the dacha and left me his entire apartment for the summer. I have the key ... Only there is no furniture.

- Cr-racota!

Ernest Pavlovich returned five minutes later with a janitor.

- Well, I won't take a wardrobe, you need it more, but a desk, be so kind ... And take this one chair, janitor. I'll take one of these two chairs. I think I have the right to do so? ..

Ernest Pavlovich tied his things in a large bundle, wrapped his boots in newspaper and turned to the door.

“Your whole back is white,” said Ellochka in a gramophone voice.

- Goodbye, Elena.

He expected that his wife, at least in this case, would refrain from the usual metallic words. Ellochka also felt the importance of the minute. She tensed and began to search for words suitable for separation. They were quickly found.

- Will you go to the taxi? Cr-racota.

The engineer rolled down the stairs in an avalanche.

Ellochka spent the evening with Fima Sobak. They discussed an extremely important event that threatened to overturn the world economy.

“It seems that they will wear long and wide,” said Fima, dipping her head into her shoulders like a chicken.

And Ellochka looked at Fima Sobak with respect. Mademoiselle Dogs was known as a cultured girl - there were about one hundred and eighty words in her vocabulary. At the same time, she knew one such word that Ellochka could not even dream of. It was a rich word - homosexuality. Fima Sobak was undoubtedly a cultured girl.

The lively conversation dragged on well past midnight.

At ten o'clock in the morning the great strategist entered Varsonofyevsky Lane. The old street boy was running ahead. The boy pointed to the house.

- You're not lying?

- What are you, uncle ... Right here, in the front door.

Bender gave the boy an honestly earned ruble.

- We need to add, - said the boy in a cab.

- Ears from a dead donkey. Get it from Pushkin. Goodbye, defective.

Ostap knocked on the door, completely oblivious to the pretext under which he would enter. For conversations with ladies, he preferred inspiration.

- Wow? - asked from behind the door.

- On business, - answered Ostap.

Door opened. Ostap went into a room that could only be furnished with a creature with the imagination of a woodpecker. On the walls were postcards, dolls and Tambov tapestries. Against this motley background, from which rippled in the eyes, it was difficult to notice the little mistress of the room. She was wearing a robe, converted from a sweatshirt by Ernest Pavlovich and trimmed with mysterious fur.

Ostap immediately understood how to behave in a secular society. He closed his eyes and took a step back.

- Beautiful fur! He exclaimed.

- You're kidding! - said Ellochka tenderly. - It's a Mexican jerboa.

- It cannot be. You were deceived. You've been given much better fur. These are Shanghai leopards. Well yes! Leopards! I recognize them by their shade. See how the fur plays in the sun! .. Emerald! Emerald!

Ellochka herself painted the Mexican jerboa with green watercolors, and therefore the praise of the morning visitor was especially pleasant to her.

Without allowing the mistress to recover, the great strategist dumped everything he had ever heard about furs. After that they started talking about silk, and Ostap promised to give the charming mistress several hundred silk cocoons, brought him as the chairman of the CEC of Uzbekistan.

- You are the guy that you need, - Ellochka noticed as a result of the first minutes of acquaintance.

- You, of course, will surprise early visit unfamiliar men.

- But I am here for you on a delicate matter.

- You're kidding.

- You were at the auction yesterday and made an extraordinary impression on me.

- Rude!

- Have mercy! To be rude to such a charming woman is inhuman.

The conversation continued in the same way giving in some cases wonderful fruits, direction. But Ostap's compliments from time to time became more watery and shorter. He noticed that there was no second chair in the room. I had to grope for the trail disappeared stool. Interspersed with his questions with flowery oriental flattery, Ostap learned about the events of the past evening in Ellochka's life.

New business, he thought, chairs are spreading like cockroaches.

“Dear girl,” Ostap said unexpectedly, “sell me this chair. I really like him. Only you with your feminine instinct could choose such an artistic thing. Sell \u200b\u200bit, girl, I'll give you seven rubles.

- Rude, lad, - Ellochka said slyly.

“Ho-ho,” Ostap explained.

“We need to act on the exchange with her,” he decided.

- You know, now in Europe and in the best houses of Philadelphia, the old fashion has been resumed - to pour tea through a strainer. Extraordinarily impressive and very elegant.

Ellochka was alert.

– I have just a familiar diplomat came from Vienna and brought it as a gift. It's a funny thing.

- It must be famous, - Ellochka became interested.

- Wow! Ho ho! Let's exchange. You give me a chair, and I give you a strainer. Want to?

And Ostap took a small gilded strainer out of his pocket.

The sun rolled in a strainer like an egg. Bunnies sighed across the ceiling. Suddenly a dark corner of the room lit up. The thing made the same irresistible impression on Ellochka as the old can of canned food produces on the cannibal Mumbo-Yumbo. In such cases, the cannibal shouts in a full voice, while Ellochka quietly moaned:

Without giving her time to recover, Ostap put the strainer on the table, took a chair and, having learned the address of her husband from a charming woman, bowed gallantly.